The Sun After the Darkest Night: Reincarnation - kinowrites - 原神 (2024)

Chapter 1: Aurora

Chapter Text

500 Years After Kazuha’s Death

The salty sea air blew over the cliff, whistling and nearly knocking my hat over as I walked along the shore. The calm waters washed over my ankles, welcoming me back to this old familiar place. I climbed up the narrow slope and stopped before the two swords, grave markers for two souls that the world has forgotten. Kazuha’s and Tomo’s blades glinted in the sunlight, undisturbed, never rusting, greeting me.

“Hello,” I said, sighing as I sat on my knees before Kazuha’s sword. “It’s been a while… I’m sorry. Well, I mean. I talk to you every day, don’t I? I’m just sorry I haven’t come here in so long.”

I opened my bag and took out the food I had prepared in advance, placing it carefully on plates, making sure I put one in front of Kazuha’s sword. For Tomo, I carefully laid a handful of flowers I gathered on the way there. Just a small gift to thank him for keeping Kazuha company, and to make sure he knows he’s not forgotten.

“I’m doing okay, by the way,” I said, sprinkling a bit of salt over the fish on Kazuha’s plate. “Finally convinced Albedo to take more commissions from authors. He missed doing it, I don’t know why it’s taken him so long. He can be so picky sometimes.”

I placed a pair of chopsticks on Kazuha’s plate, then took a pair of my own to begin eating.

“He built me a greenhouse. It’s amazing, like I have a little corner of Sumeru all to myself. It’s not the same though. Every time I visit Nahida and walk through the rainforest, I realize I’ll never really recreate it. But… At least it’s something. I like to be in there when it rains. The sounds of water hitting the glass reminds me of home… Our old home, I mean.”

I ate in silence for a few minutes, lost in thought, wondering what Kazuha would think if he saw my greenhouse. He’d probably love it but agree nothing could compare to our home in the rainforest. A strange wet sound pulled me out of my thoughts, and I looked up just in time to see a little white fox trying to eat Kazuha’s fish.

“Hey!”

It stepped back from the plate but didn’t scurry away like I expected it to. It sat oddly still beside Kazuha’s sword, its tail swishing from side to side, its red eyes blinking at me slowly.

“That’s not for you,” I scolded it, scooting the plate away from him. “Get out of here.”

More slow blinks, it didn’t seem at all fazed by me trying to shoo it away with my chopsticks.

“Whatever… Anyway… I’m actually trying to convince Albedo to move. I’m bored of Mondstadt. We travel a lot, and at this point, I’ve been just about everywhere at least three times. But always returning there at the end of a journey? I don’t know. It bores me. He’s considering Sumeru. He might teach at the Akademiya if he isn’t happy doing commissions but– HEY!”

The fox was licking the damn fish again.

“Look, I’m going to leave it here when I go. The least you can do is wait until I’m gone.”

The fox blinked at me again, then came a little closer and laid down beside me, its tail brushing against my leg as it wrapped around itself. I sighed and rested my back against the cliffside.

“Five hundred years,” I muttered. “You’ve now been gone as long as I was alive when I met you. How the tides of time pass over us, but nothing ever really washes away.”

I absentmindedly let my hand rest on the fox’s back, and it let out a soft yip.

“I’m… a thousand years old…”

I exhaled another sigh and slumped a little, my fingers burying into the fox’s warm fur.

“I’m happy,” I said, glancing at Kazuha’s sword; I could see my eye and part of my face reflecting back at me. “I really am. And I love him, I do. Doesn’t mean I ever stopped missing you. And you know what?”

I looked down at the fox by my side. His head perked up as if it knew I was looking at it. I ran my thumb against its cheek and its eyes closed pleasantly.

“Sometimes I wonder… You know, I still catch him looking up at the stars? With the most wistful expression on his face. I’m not stupid. I know who he’s thinking about. And he’s not stupid either. I know that he sees it in me too. Like whenever the wind blows, and I close my eyes… thinking of you. I can’t believe this is never going to go away. I’m going to miss you until the end of time.”

The fox nuzzled its head into my hand, and I rubbed its ears. It stretched its legs, sauntered over to the fish, then curiously turned its head back at me.

“Fine, eat it, enjoy yourself,” I waved my hand carelessly. “He’d probably want you to have it anyway. ‘Ah, why can’t I share my meal with such an adorable little creature.’ Yeah? Did that sound like him?”

The fox happily began munching on the fish. Lost in my own memories, I watched it for a while until it licked the plate clean.

“You ate that whole thing,” I laughed, impressed. “Quite an appetite for a little pup. Anyway.”

With a groan, I stood from the ground and wiped the dust off my clothes.

“Time for me to go. Every time I come here, I end up staying all night crying like an idiot in the dirt.”

As I took a step to leave, the fox let out a soft whine.

“What do you want? You can’t possibly still be hungry.”

I bent down and it once more rubbed its head into my hand until I scratched its ears.

“There, satisfied?” I straightened my back and looked at Kazuha’s sword again. “I’m sorry I don’t come more often. It’s just hard, you know? I don’t like missing you, and coming here always makes it worse. I don’t know when I’ll be back… But I’ll bring you some fish again, if you don’t mind sharing it with this guy.”

I smiled down at the fox who had curled into a ball between the two swords. Maybe the fish finally hit its stomach and made it sleepy.

“Bye, for now, Kazuha. I love you.”

Just saying those words aloud still brought a pang to my heart, and it ticked a somber tune in my chest. I turned my back on the swords and the fox and left them behind. Maybe for another century, maybe more. Albedo was right. When you get to live as long as we do, time stops having any meaning at all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A new life, reborn
Stumbling with trepidation
Meeting you again by chance

Why did I come there?
With winds and waves, so did you
And left me too soon.

I still wait for your return.
Dreaming. Waiting.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

1,000 Years After Kazuha’s Death

“Klee, can you help me with these boxes?” I asked, carrying one inside. “I had to lug them up the steps by myself, the least you could do is bring them inside.”

“Hm, do you actually need the help or are you just trying to keep me busy so that I stop making so much noise?” Klee asked as I passed her in the hall.

“Both.”

“Alright then, I appreciate your honesty,” Klee patted me on the head, making me scowl at her.

“Just because you’re taller than me now, doesn’t mean you can do that!”

Klee giggled and quickly went outside to bring in more of the boxes. Together we brought them to Albedo’s study where he was already sifting through the manuscripts. Once everything was inside, Klee wandered up to her room where she immediately went back to her excessively loud experiments.

“At least TRY to keep it down!” I shouted up the stairs.

She definitely didn’t hear me.

“Anything stand out to you yet?” I asked Albedo, closing the door of his study in the hopes to muffle all the banging.

“No,” Albedo answered, not looking up from the manuscript in his hands.

“Well, let’s just get it over with,” I sighed, plopping into a chair and opening the nearest box.

It was a good thing Albedo had me to help him read through all the drivel. Despite the advances of modern technology, good literature was getting harder and harder to come by. Or perhaps it was because of technological advances. Either way, just because most of it wasn’t good, didn’t mean it was slowing down. People from all over the world wanted the famous Calx to illustrate their novels. What a blessing to be an exceptionally fast reader so that I could get it over with quickly. Albedo sighed and stood from his desk, walked over to the sofa I was sitting in and plopped down beside me. Without hesitation, I moved closer and rested my head on his chest.

This was probably my favorite thing about helping him. I never got tired of spending every moment I could by his side, especially since he often wanted to work alone. But this became a special pastime for us. Occasionally pausing to steal a quick kiss or murmur a comment about whatever we were reading. Even when we worked in silence, at least I could listen to his heart, at least I could feel his fingers lazily running through my hair. I never stopped craving his touch, and it still made my heart tick with affection every time I felt him. After about an hour, I dug up a short manuscript that appeared to be nothing but poems. Albedo rarely got requests to have poetry illustrated, so this actually piqued my interest. I read the title and the name of the author on the front cover:

Aurora by Akikaze

I paused, staring at the author’s name.

Autumn breeze…

“Inazuman…” I muttered.

“Hmm?” Albedo hummed.

“Nothing. Just, this author has an Inazuman pen name.

“Hmm…”

I turned to the first poem and began to read.

Under the Moonlight

Every night we meet
I see your face, touch your skin
You always linger

Even when I wake
Your taste never leaves my lips,
To see you again

Under the moonlight
I must sleep.

“Dawn?” Albedo called for my attention.

“What?” I turned my face up to meet his gaze.

“You’re smiling,” he said with a tone of amusem*nt, his fingers touching my lips. “Did you find something you like?”

“Uhh… I’m not sure yet,” I said slowly. “It’s poetry, but it’s written in a unique style. Each stanza is a haiku, except for the last two lines. That sort of defeats the purpose of a haiku though, doesn’t it? To convey your meaning within the confines of the haiku’s rules?”

“Perhaps to a traditionalist,” Albedo nodded thoughtfully. “However, modern poets tend to experiment nowadays. Blending the traditional style of the haiku with a more modern style sets the work apart, makes it stand out. Literally, it worked on you.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I said, turning the page to the next poem.

“Wait, read that first one aloud to me.”

I turned the page back and did as he asked.

“Hmm,” Albedo’s fingers continued threading through my hair. “Tell me, what do you think the poem is about?”

“How should I know?”

“Isn’t that why you’re helping me?” Albedo raised his eyebrows. “I like this one, I’m likely going to choose it. If I want to give the author something that represents his work, I need to understand it. Poems hold more subtle, abstract emotions than other literature does. You’re better at understanding that than I am.”

Albedo gave me an encouraging smile.

“Okay,” I said slowly. “Well, at first it sounds like he’s talking about someone he meets at night, but apparently, they only meet in his dreams.”

“Dreams? I didn’t hear the word ‘dream’ when you read it.”

“I know but, it says when he wakes, the taste of his lover still lingers. As if they kissed while he was asleep. And at the end, he says the only way he can see them again is if he goes to sleep.”

“Fascinating,” Albedo said, now resting his hand on my shoulder. “Read the next one.”

I turned the page and began to read.

“First

Tell me again of
The first time our fingers touched
Or when we first kissed

On the mountain top
Under the winter lanterns
And I saw their lights

Reflect in your eyes
Tell me again.”

“I think that one is a little easier for me to understand,” Albedo said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “He merely wants to relive the memories of their first romantic encounters, yes?”

I reread the poem twice, three times, four times. Every time I read it, my heart seemed to tick with excitement.

“What is it?” Albedo asked. “Did you interpret a different meaning?”

“No,” I looked up at him, furrowing my brow in confusion. “It just… I feel like I’ve read it before.”

“Oh no,” Albedo let out a short laugh. “Could this poet be plagiarizing?”

“Hah, don’t think so,” I rolled my eyes.

“Read the next one,” Albedo requested.

I turned to the next poem.

“Ghostly Love

How can I love you
When I have never met you?
Are you haunting me?

Love, are you a ghost?
Echoes of another life?
Please, do not leave me.

Haunt me forever,
If you must.”

Again, I read the poem several times to myself, wondering why these words sounded so familiar to me. Even as I read it silently in my head, it was as if someone else’s voice spoke the words to me. A voice I hadn’t heard in a very long time. After several minutes passed, I realized Albedo hadn’t said anything. I looked up from the page to see him watching me, an odd look on his face.

“I like it,” he said quietly.

“Me too.”

“Could you give it to me, please?” He asked, holding his hand out.

I lifted the manuscript over my head and handed it to him, almost reluctantly. I wanted to read more. He took it from me and leafed through the pages, pausing to read each poem. I waited for him to read them aloud like I did, but he never spoke a word, silently examining them for a few minutes before turning to the next one. I laid there with my head on his chest, watching him, waiting to hear his thoughts, growing a bit impatient. I wanted it back. After some time, he closed the manuscript and leaned back slightly, his gaze a bit unfocused, lost in contemplative thought.

“I want to illustrate for this poet,” he said at last.

“Really?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Aren’t you going to Inazuma soon?”

“What?” I asked, caught off guard.

“To visit Kazuha’s grave.”

“Oh… Well, I wasn’t really sure if I was going to go…”

“It’s been a long time since you have,” Albedo was speaking to me in an odd tone, and I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking; his expression was unreadable. “You mentioned it was about time you made a visit again.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’d like to meet this poet… Akikaze…In person. But, as you know, I’m swamped with other things. Perhaps you can go on my behalf. Get to know him, learn what kind of illustrations he would like paired with his poems.”

“I mean,” I hesitated; I had never done anything like that without Albedo before. “I could, if you want me to. Wouldn’t it be better if you were with me?”

“Come now,” Albedo smiled and took my chin in his hand. “You’re more than capable of doing this for me. We’ve done it hundreds of times. You know me better than anyone. You know what kind of work I’m willing to do. There should be no issue for you to go in my place. Get to know him, discuss his ideas, write them down. Then, when you come back, just share it with me and I’ll get right to it.”

“Alright,” I shrugged. “If that’s what you want, I guess I’ll do it.”

“Thank you,” Albedo smiled once more.

He put the manuscript on the coffee table then hoisted me up a little higher so that my face was closer to his. The moment I settled on top of him, he pulled me into a kiss. A thousand years of kissing this man, and suddenly this one felt new. He held my face tenderly in his hands, his lips moving slowly against mine, as if savoring the kiss as much as he could. It was so weird, I started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, pulling away from me.

“What’s up with you?” I poked his cheek.

“Nothing. I just love you.”

I tilted my head to the side and regarded him for a moment. His eyes, always reminding me of Sumeru’s rivers, gazed back at me unblinking. There was definitely something off about him.

“You’re being weird,” I said.

“Ah, what’s new?”

“Yeah, you’re always weird.”

Albedo kissed my cheek and patted me to get off him. I slid off and he handed me the manuscript.

“Do you think you can head out tomorrow?” He asked.

“So soon?” Okay, there was definitely something extra weird going on. “What, are you trying to get rid of me or something?”

“I know I’m not very good at expressing my excitement, but these poems have sparked inspiration in me,” Albedo assured me. “I’d like to get this moving as soon as possible.”

“You’re the boss,” I shrugged, tucking the manuscript under my arm. “I’ll see if I can book a flight for tomorrow.”

As I made my way out of his study, Albedo called after me before I left.

“Dawn.”

“What now?”

“What do you think of the name of the poetry book?” He asked.

He was watching me in a weird way again and I finally realized it was the same way he often looked at his experiments whenever he was waiting for some kind of unexpected reaction.

“The name?” I looked down at the title typed in black ink. “Aurora?”

“Yes, the title really caught my eye.”

“Why? Because of the aurora lights on Dragonspine?”

“That… and also because ‘aurora’ is another word for ‘dawn.’”

~*~*~*~*~*~

That night, I read the rest of the poems on my own and made notes and annotations in the margins for me to discuss with the author later. There were twenty-five poems all together, and every single one of them was getting under my skin. Some of them even moved me to tears, which was… I can’t even explain it. In the last millennia I spent helping Albedo read through hundreds of thousands of written works, never has one made me cry. Many certainly made me laugh, whether intentional or not. But these poems… I stayed up all night, reading them over and over again, memorizing their words. The more I read them, the more I could almost hear that other voice reciting them to me. A voice softer than my own, one that read the poems with a gentle cadence that made the tears falling from my eyes feel more like tears of joy rather than tears of empty longing.

It was very late in the night. Albedo was asleep beside me, blissfully unaware of my sudden obsession over those poems and who they were reminding me of. Though I still thought about Kazuha nearly every day, often as a passing thought, like a drifting cloud without a shape, it had been a very long time since I truly sat down allowed myself to remember him. I slid out of bed and crept to our storage cupboard where I kept all my old things. There, I found an old wooden box that held the letters Kazuha and I sent to each other a whole lifetime ago, along with his journal full of haikus. Sitting on the floor, I tenderly opened the fragile ancient cover, careful not to damage the yellowing pages. For hours, I sat there, poring over the words written by a beautiful, scarred hand over a thousand years ago. These haikus were some of the only records left to prove Kazuha existed. That he had lived, wandered through the lands of this world, and that I had been lucky enough to have him love me.

I had to keep the journals out of reach of my tears. The more of them I read, the more I wept. When I reached the final one, the one he recited to me the night before he died, I finally closed the journal and let out a watery sigh.

“I miss you.”

Whoever Akikaze was, he was certainly a talented poet. If anyone deserved to have artwork by Albedo, it was him. His poems somehow captured Kazuha’s spirit and moved me in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I couldn’t wait to meet him and thank him for creating such a beautiful collection of poetry.

“Got everything?” Albedo asked several hours later as I stepped out of our home, my travel bag hanging off my shoulder.

“I think so.”

“Have a good trip then.”

Albedo pulled me in for a kiss, his hands on my waist. It was another weird one. Unfamiliar, almost… Apprehensive. I wish I knew what it meant, but before I could lose myself in his embrace, he broke the kiss.

“I’ll be back in a week,” I said, hugging him tightly. “You better miss me.”

“I always do.”

People rarely sailed to Inazuma anymore. Ever since the invention of airplanes, which was a combination of efforts between Fontaine and Mondstadt, people preferred to fly over the Sea of Clouds. It took only a few hours rather than a few days, making traveling across the world much easier. Teyvat had gone through many exceptional changes during the last millennia. We were living in a time of peace and prosperity across all the nations. This made room for all sorts of impressive feats that humans achieved, propelling the world into a new age. Older beings such as myself and Albedo sometimes had a hard time adjusting. Especially when we’d lose track of time, stuck in our little bubble of happiness and comfort, only to emerge centuries into a future we no longer understood. But thanks to Albedo’s constant connection to modern science, and my dislike of being perceived as old-fashioned, we somehow managed to keep up.

Upon arriving in Inazuma, I took a taxi to Inazuma City. The nation was almost unrecognizable to the one I was first born in. I hadn’t been there in an incredibly long time, so it was a bit of a shock to see all the old open fields and plains suddenly replaced by asphalt and concrete.

So much for eternity…

I could not believe she allowed so much to change. Perhaps she had finally lost her mind.

According to Akikaze’s address on his manuscript, he lived on Yashiori Island. It was hard for me to fathom how the island was even habitable, but then again, surely the environment had improved since the last time I was there. After the taxi dropped me off in the city, I hopped onto a ferry to take me to Yashiori Island. It truly was completely different from how I remembered it. Instead of a desolate island with abandoned shacks, it seemed to have turned into a quaint and flourishing pastoral village. As I made my way through a busy market, I stopped at a stand of fruits to ask for directions.

“Oh, that’s not far from here,” the old man squinted down the road and pointed. “Up the road, take a left at the post office.”

“Thank you.”

I really liked it there, walking up the road as children on bikes passed me by. It seemed like a lovely place to live, and the thought of that annoyed me. I never imagined I’d be walking through any part of Inazuma and actually find myself enjoying it. Maybe it was all the maple trees everywhere. They added so much color and coziness to the island. And of course, they made me think of Kazuha, ever present in my mind he was, always peeking at me through the veils of death. I reached the post office and turned left like the merchant had told me to. This road led to a narrow shopping square, which confused me at first, since I was expecting houses. I looked at the address again, and sure enough, I was on the right road. As I made my way past the shops, I realized there were apartments above them.

The number I was looking for led me to a little garden shop and I spotted some stairs in the alley that led up to the apartment. Suddenly, I felt nervous. All this time, I was just a bit curious, maybe excited to meet Akikaze, but nothing out of the ordinary. Walking up those steps, my heart began to tick a little too fast. On the landing in front of the door, there was hardly enough room for me to stand; it was full to the brim with potted plants, and there were all sorts of strange ornaments hanging from the door. Many little wooden foxes hung from windchimes, swaying slightly, peering at me. With my heart ticking erratically in my chest, I reached my hand out and knocked on the door. A whole minute passed, and I didn’t hear any movement inside. I knocked again, and still no one answered.

Apparently, Akikaze wasn’t home. Granted, it was the middle of the day. Perhaps he was at work, wherever that might be. Surely, he would be home in a few hours. I descended the stairs and looked around the little square, wondering what to do with myself until it would be time to check if he came home. The garden shop beside me kept drawing my attention, and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to take a look around. Maybe I could find something to take back to my greenhouse.

It was warm and sunny in the shop, with open windows lining the walls and circulating the air. I was immediately overwhelmed with the variety of plants, so I took my time perusing the aisles. I wanted to look through the whole shop before I started choosing what to buy. It was nice and quiet there; the shop didn’t seem to attract many customers. I liked the silence though; it made the experience of being amongst all the green foliage more satisfying. Because of the open windows, little birds would swoop in, and I noticed there were wooden bird houses hanging from the ceiling. Observing one, I recognized the same patterns as the wooden foxes hanging from Akikaze’s door. Occasionally, a gardener would walk by, but I didn’t pay them any mind. At least not until one of them came through the aisle I was in, pushing a large cart full of sweet-smelling flowers. There was a bee hitching a ride on the cart, rubbing its fuzzy little body on the blossoms.

“Excuse me, I don’t want to run over your feet,” the gardener said politely.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, jumping out of the way.

I couldn’t even see him, the cart he was pushing was so huge, it completely obscured him.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, disappearing behind some apple tree saplings.

I stood there for a moment, staring at the spot he had just been standing. Something about his voice sounded so familiar, it made the hairs on my skin stand up. I walked through the rows of apple trees and curiously looked for him. I didn’t know what was compelling me to do so. I no longer had any friends or acquaintances that lived in Inazuma. There was no way I could possibly know him, but I just had to check. As I turned a corner to an aisle with bonsai trees, I saw the enormous cart up ahead, and through the gaps of white flower petals, I could see movement of someone working behind it. I cautiously approached it, but before I could get too close, another gardener came bustling out and spoke to the man behind the cart.

“When you’re done with that, could you get me another one of those fifteen-foot hoses from the backroom?” She asked him.

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered.

“Thank you, Kazuha.”

No.

No way.

I didn’t hear that right.

My mind was playing tricks on me, there was simply no way. Suddenly, the shop became uncomfortably warm, and it felt like there wasn’t enough air in the stuffy, humid building. For a moment there, I thought my heart had stopped ticking, only to realize it was ticking so fast it was as though it were one continuous note. If I really did hear that woman correctly, then surely it was just a coincidence. An insane, freakish coincidence that this stranger had the same name as my dead husband. I turned around, thinking maybe I should just leave. Immediately. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t get my feet to move away from him. They only wanted to turn back around and walk towards him.

What the hell am I doing? I wondered to myself as I took a step towards the cart. Well… Maybe it won’t hurt to look at him. Just to laugh at how absurd this all is.

I convinced myself that I was going to walk around the cart and be faced with an ordinary man I’ve never seen before. His name was just a coincidence. There had to be tons of other Kazuha’s out there. Yet, as I cautiously approached the cart, I caught a glimpse of his hair through the flowers arranged on the shelves. It was as white as snow. The sight of it made my mouth go dry and my body become numb, despite the heat in the shop. I watched, mesmerized, as he turned to his left, and through the gap, I caught the flash of a streak of red.

Breathe. Just breathe. It’s not him. You’re either hallucinating, or he just happens to have some similarities. Just look at his face. Go. Look at him. You’ll see. It’s not him. It’s not him.

Taking deep breaths, I took another step around the cart to get a clear look at him, but just as I did so, he walked away. I couldn’t see his face but…

Those shoulders… the way he walks… His hair…

I followed him, quickening my pace to catch up like some kind of lunatic. Seriously, what the hell was I doing following some random man through this shop? He rounded a corner and entered another room, the vinyl door he walked through flapping to and fro. All reason completely flew out the window, and I nervously pushed the vinyl door open and followed this complete stranger inside. It entered a large storage room, dimly lit by a dirty window. The man had his back to me and was washing his hands in a sink. Once I stepped inside, I knew he heard me. He paused and turned his head just an inch, enough for me to see a bit of his cheek, waiting for me to say something. Maybe he thought I was his coworker. Poor thing had no idea an unhinged customer just stalked him into a poorly lit room.

“What’s up?” He asked, still not looking at me.

I opened my mouth and felt the dryness of nerves in my throat. My heart felt like a ticking bomb, ready to burst right out of my chest. Inhaling a shaky breath, I spoke.

“Kazuha?”

He finally turned around, and my jaw dropped. And I’m pretty sure my heart actually did stop. His crimson eyes, the shape of his nose, his mouth, his jaw… it was him. It was him. Kazuha. My Kazuha. I was breathing so hard; my chest was practically heaving. I took a step forward, looking into his beautiful face. His eyes widened, not in horror, but with recognition. I couldn’t believe it. He knew me, he recognized me. His lips parted in surprise and a soft gasp cut through his throat. He looked just as shocked as I felt.

“Dawn?”

“Yes… It’s me,” I said breathlessly, clutching my chest while my heart tried to leap right at him. “Is it… Are you really…”

Kazuha opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes became unfocused, his face turned pale and his body swayed. I thought he was going to throw up, but instead he unexpectedly crashed onto the ground and completely blacked out.

Chapter 2: Dreaming of You

Chapter Text

“Oh f*ck, I’ve killed you,” I panicked, completely losing my mind, as I dropped down beside him. “I finally got you back only to kill you!”

I put my hand on his chest and felt his heart beating. It was a relief, but just another shock. Kazuha’s heart… It was actually beating. I could feel it. I looked down at his beautiful face and frantically caressed his hair and cheeks, then gently shook his shoulders.

“Kazuha!” I said loudly.

His eyes fluttered open and slowly regained their focus. He looked at me and a smile stretched across his face. In my terribly long life, it was still the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen.

“Hello,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” I said breathlessly.

“I’m dreaming again, aren’t I?”

“No,” I shook my head. “This isn’t a dream.”

He furrowed his brow and frowned.

“Not a dream?”

“Not a dream,” I laughed nervously.

Kazuha suddenly sat up and grabbed me aggressively by the shoulders.

“Kazuha!”

“You’re real?!” He asked, an almost deranged look in his wide eyes.

“Yes!” I confirmed. “Are you?”

“Of course I am,” he said, letting go of my shoulders and moving his hands to my face.

He squeezed and pulled at my cheeks.

“Ow,” I slapped his hands away.

“Holy… Unbelievable,” he breathed, bringing his hands back to my face without hesitation. “You’re real. Dawn… you’re actually here.”

He suddenly pulled me into his arms, crushing my body against his, and I felt as though I was in heaven. As if the roof above us suddenly opened to the sky and the sun and the birds. I was in Kazuha’s arms. He was holding me again. I freely wept into his shoulder, with a mixture of laughter; I was so overwhelmed and completely lost control of myself. He gently rubbed my back as I shook in his arms, heightening my euphoria. He still touched me the same way, the familiarity making the skin on my arms dimple from joy.

“Kazuha…”

He grabbed my face again and kissed my cheek really hard. He was about to kiss me on the lips, and I quickly covered his mouth with my hand. Not even questioning why I stopped him, he took my hand and peppered it with kisses, kissing each of my fingers. My heart skipped and soared with glee upon feeling his lips on my skin again. Once more, he took my face between his hands and looked into my eyes. I was still crying but I gazed back at him. So beautiful. A beauty I swear he somehow stole from a god.

“But… But how?” He asked, his eyes wide and searching mine for an explanation. “How are you here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I said, my hands reaching up to touch his face as well.

“Did I do this?” He asked, voice shaking with excitement. “Did I… how did I do it? How did I make you real?”

“What?” He wasn’t making any sense. “I’ve always been real. I’ve been here all this time.”

Kazuha stared at me in confusion, then suddenly whipped his head around at the door.

“Someone’s coming,” he said, standing up and quickly taking my hand to help me up. “You’re not supposed to be in here, uh…”

He searched around the small room and then pushed me towards a large cabinet.

“Kazuha, I am not going in there,” I said, yet I didn’t stop him from pushing me; I didn’t want him to take his hands off me.

“Just for a minute,” he whispered, closing the cabinet door once I was inside.

“Kazuha!” Someone shouted; it sounded like his coworker from before.

“Yes?” I heard Kazuha say.

“What are you doing in here?” The woman asked; she sounded suspicious.

“Nothing,” Kazuha said, slightly too quickly.

“Hiding again? I swear, you’re so lazy sometimes—”

“I’m not, I only came in here to wash my hands!”

“Well, you’re up to something, you look all nervous and sweaty… and pale… what’s wrong with you, are you sick?”

“No - uh - I mean yes,” Kazuha stammered. “I feel sick. Really sick. I… I almost fainted.”

I had to cover my mouth to stifle a laugh.

“Stay away from me, or you’ll get me sick,” I could hear the woman backing away. “You better not be making this up. Go home, get rest, don’t come back until you feel better.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am.”

I waited, and it seemed Kazuha was waiting for the woman to be far enough to finally let me out.

“Okay, she’s gone,” Kazuha opened the cabinet and he looked genuinely surprised to see me standing there. “Oh my god, you’re actually still here.”

“Where else would I go?” I asked, stepping out.

“I just thought I was hallucinating and there’d be no one in there.”

Kazuha and I stood before each other, not saying anything for a moment. He kept staring at me as if expecting me to disappear if he blinked for too long. I kept staring at him for the same reason.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said, grabbing my hand again.

My heart could sing. My cheeks were straining from how wide I was smiling as he held my hand and guided me out of the garden shop. Kazuha kept glancing at me as we walked and I never took my eyes off him, trusting him not to let me bump into anything. He took us to a tea house right next door and sat us at a booth in the back just as a waitress approached our table.

“What can I get ya?” She asked.

“I’ll have a spiced chai, with milk please, and he’ll have jasmine tea,” Kazuha said. “Make sure to steep the jasmine tea extra long, he likes it bitter.”

“You got it,” the waitress sauntered off.

“Did I get it right?” Kazuha asked excitedly.

“Yeah,” I smiled.

Kazuha stared at me for a moment, as if contemplating something, then stood from his side of the booth and sat next to me.

“I’m sorry I just want to be close to you,” he said quietly.

“That’s okay,” I nodded.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, putting his hand on my cheek. “More beautiful than in my dreams.”

“Your dreams?” I asked. “Don’t you mean… memories?”

“Memories?” Kazuha asked with a confused crooked smile. “Is that what they are?”

“Wait, what are you talking about?” I was growing more and more bewildered.

“I’m talking about my dreams,” Kazuha explained. “The dreams I’ve had my whole life.”

“What life?” I shook my head impatiently. “How do you even have a life? How are you alive?”

“How am I– What are you talking about?!”

“What are YOU talking about?!”

“One spiced chai, and one bitter jasmine,” the waitress returned with our tea and placed them on the table.

“Thanks,” Kazuha and I said in unison.

“H-how old are you?” I demanded. “The last time I saw you, you were… well…”

“Wrinkly?” Kazuha laughed, taking a sip of his tea.

“Well, yes.”

“How old am I… Well, that’s kind of a complicated question. Technically, I guess you could say I’m twenty. But you could also say I’m about…five hundred-twenty…”

I stared at him in shocked confusion, and I’m pretty sure a weird choking noise came out of my throat.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kazuha said nervously. “You’re like, what, a day old?”

“Why would I be a day old?!” I asked incredulously.

“Because you just showed up!” Kazuha said, exasperated. “You finally… I don’t know… manifested into reality? You must be a Yokai, yeah? Did you just gain sentience?”

“Sentience? What? Kazuha,” I spoke slowly and clearly. “I was not manifested from anything. I was created over 1,500 years ago. You died over a thousand years ago. You have been dead for over a thousand years.”

“Suh…huh…” Kazuha muttered nonsensically, his eyes becoming slightly unfocused.

“Please, don’t faint again,” I said urgently, grabbing onto his arm to keep him steady. “Drink your tea.”

Kazuha took his tea with shaking hands and sipped some of it.

“So… So, these dreams I’ve always had,” Kazuha said slowly, staring into his mug. “They were actually memories? Of, like, my past life or something?”

“Past life…” I thought about that while I sipped my own tea. “You’ve been reincarnated…”

“That seems so obvious to me now, how could I not realize?”

Kazuha covered his face with his hands and rubbed it aggressively.

“Kazuha?”

“I could have been looking for you!” Kazuha dropped his hands from his face. “I wasted so much time…”

I tentatively reached for his hand and held it, and he immediately took it between both his hands, running his fingers over my skin.

“Kazuha,” I said tentatively. “How much do you remember?”

“Hmm, a lot, but not everything,” Kazuha said, thoughtfully. “The memories have only come to me in dreams, though. They started when I was young, before I…”

Kazuha hesitated and glanced at me nervously.

“Ah, well, anyway,” he cleared his throat. “I would have dreams of myself, of my life. I dreamed about becoming a samurai, but I sadly have no memories of my family or anything of my childhood. Not yet anyway. I dream about things all out of order, and I still get new ones every now and then. One night I would dream of you and I traveling through Liyue, the next night of me running for my life like some kind of criminal, the next night of our wedding, the next night of meeting Lumine, the next night of Yugure’s birthday party…”

“You remember Yugure?” I asked, emotion once more choking my throat.

“Of course I do,” Kazuha said with a small smile. “That was weird too. The first time he appeared in my dreams was when I was just a pup—”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, a kid,” Kazuha’s cheeks turned pink and he paused to sip his tea. “And in that dream, he was a teenager. The following night I dreamed of the day I found him, buried under the rubble in his mother’s arms…”

“You have dreams of the war?” My heart was breaking for him.

“Oh yeah,” Kazuha nodded, sipping his tea. “Those are the ones I hate the most. I only ever wanted to dream of you, I dread seeing people dying…”

“That must have been really overwhelming,” I said, squeezing his hand.

“All those times I’ve dreamed of us holding hands,” Kazuha said softly, his fingers finding my rings and running his thumb over them. “This is better than my dreams. Wow… You still wear the ring… But I don’t recognize this other one.”

As he spoke more about his dreams, I finally made the connection that was glaring right in front of me.

“Kazuha, are you Akikaze?” I asked.

Kazuha’s eyes widened.

“Yes… how did you know that?”

“That’s why I’m here,” I told him. “Calx wants to illustrate your poetry book!”

“Is that true?” Kazuha asked, glee and excitement brightening his face. “That’s amazing! Oh my god… this is the greatest day of my life.”

Kazuha closed his eyes and threw his head back with a long exhale.

“Wait,” he opened his eyes and looked at me again. “How do you know Calx?”

“He’s my—”

Albedo…

Reality suddenly came crashing down around me. The shimmery glow that had been surrounding Kazuha and I a moment ago became dull and desaturated. Kazuha had completely pushed Albedo out of my mind. For a moment, I was transported through time and no one else mattered but Kazuha. But that wasn’t the case anymore. Someone else mattered to me just as much. I let go of Kazuha’s hand.

“Calx is my husband.”

Disappointment and pain clouded over his eyes. He let out a soft breath and anxiously ran his hand through his hair.

“That explains the other ring…” he muttered quietly. “I finally found you, and I can’t even have you.”

“I’m sorry, Kazuha,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Why…” he said, staring at his hands. “Why did you remarry?”

“I… well…”

How was I supposed to answer that? ‘Oh, you know, after a measly one hundred years of mourning you, I fell in love with the first man that showed me any kindness and then I saw a vision of your spirit telling me to let go of you.’ Was it really that outlandish though? He reincarnated, for archon’s sake, surely anything I say couldn’t match the absurdity of this whole situation. Unfortunately, my hesitation to answer took too long. Kazuha suddenly stood from the booth, put some money on the table and walked out of the tea house, leaving me sitting there, dumbfounded. After a moment of recovery, I chased after him. He was standing right outside the door, looking like he was going to faint again.

“Kazuha—”

“Do you even love me anymore?” He interrupted me.

“What? What the hell is wrong with you, of course I do!” I nearly shouted. “How could you ask me that?”

“You’ve been married to someone else for over a thousand years,” Kazuha said, not meeting my gaze. “And I… I’m hardly the man you once loved anyway. I’m not a samurai. I’ve never even held a weapon, unless you count gardening shears or a wood carving knife. I never fought in any wars. I’ve never fought anyone, ever. I just work in a garden shop. I’m not even brave enough to write my poems under my own name.”

“As if any of that would matter to me,” I scoffed, waving my hand impatiently. “You’re still you. You have the same soul, I can feel it. You’re still my Kazuha.”

“But it does matter,” Kazuha frowned, his voice timid. “Even if, somehow, after all this time, you still love me… it’s too late. You’re with someone else.”

He started to walk down the street and followed him silently, trying to think of the right thing to say. Yet, infuriatingly, my mind was incapable of stringing together any coherent sentences. I was still trying to accept the fact that Kazuha was even alive, that he was walking beside me, living and breathing. Trying to figure out what happened next was simply out of the question, I’d become too overwhelmed. Instead, we continued walking in silence as Kazuha led me onto a side road that was much quieter than the main road. I briefly wondered where he was taking me and if it was even a good idea for me to be following him, but I didn’t care. For now, Kazuha could take me anywhere he wanted.

“I just needed somewhere quiet to think,” Kazuha said at last as we arrived in a wooded area, the trees all the warmest shades of autumn.

Wandering deeper into the trees, we finally stopped at a particularly large maple tree that was showering the grove in red leaves.

“Do you still like to climb?” Kazuha asked abruptly.

“I haven’t in a while,” I said. “But yes.”

I used my Vision to get up the tree but noticed Kazuha climbing like some kind of normal person.

“Aren’t you going to use your Vision?” I asked.

“I… I don’t have one,” he said, staring at me with a frown as I hovered above him.

I held my hand out, and once he took it, I pulled him effortlessly in my arms and flew us up the tree.

“Woah,” Kazuha laughed once I brought us onto a sturdy knot of branches. “I didn’t think you’d be so strong…”

“Don’t you remember what I am?” I asked curiously.

“A puppet,” Kazuha said, a faint flush appearing on his cheeks. “I know.”

“Then, you must realize why… even if I hadn’t married again, it’s not a good idea for you and me to be together,” I said cautiously.

“Why not?”

“Kazuha, you’re still just a man,” I said sadly. “A mortal man. As much as I love you, as much as our love for each other has somehow transcended time itself, it doesn’t matter. You’re going to age. You’re going to die again. I haven’t let myself get close to another mortal in centuries. I don’t even know what became of the Kaedehara Clan, I lost contact after our son died. I can’t watch you die again Kazuha. I can’t go through that again.”

“Dawn—”

“No,” I shook my head, feeling the tears start to build, knowing that I was breaking his heart, likely beyond repair. “I can’t.”

“Dawn, listen,” Kazuha said, putting his hand on my cheek and forcing me to look at him. “I’m not mortal.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not a mortal human,” Kazuha gazed at me excitedly. “Didn’t you hear me before? When I said I’m technically over five-hundred years old? I’m a Yokai.”

“No, you’re not,” I retorted, raising my eyebrow at him as if he’d lost his mind.

“Maybe the Kazuha you remember was a mortal man, but I’m not,” Kazuha shook his head. “I’m a kitsune.”

“What?! You’re lying.”

“I assure you, I’m telling the truth,” Kazuha insisted, his expression sincere.

“You’re lying,” I repeated, narrowing my eyes in suspicion. “Prove it.”

“Ah… Okay,” Kazuha let go of my face, his cheeks turning pink. “I… I don’t usually show people… Nobody really knows.”

“I don’t care, show me,” I demanded.

Kazuha closed his eyes and screwed up his face, wrinkling his nose. Suddenly, two large ears sprouted through his hair, and to my absolute horror, five enormous tails emerged out of nowhere.

“What the—” I gasped, covering my mouth.

Kazuha opened his eyes nervously, causing me to gasp again. His pupils had turned into little foxlike ovals.

“Is this scaring you?” He asked, curling his lip nervously.

I thought I was going to faint. HIS TEETH. HIS CANINES WERE LONG AND SHARP LIKE SOME KIND OF WILD ANIMAL.

“Not at all,” I said calmly, successfully hiding how disturbed I was.

“So, do you believe me now?”

“Oh yeah,” I let out a nervous laugh. “I’m convinced. Can I…touch your ears?”

“Of course,” Kazuha smiled, his pointed teeth becoming more prominent.

I cautiously lifted my hand to the white fur of his ears and rubbed them, burying my fingers into the fluff. Kazuha bent his head down a little so I could reach better. A huge smile came across my face as I watched one of his ears twitch. I started hearing a strange swishing sound and realized Kazuha’s tails were wagging. An odd sense of Deja vu came over me, and I lowered my hand down to my lap.

“Five hundred years?” I asked slowly. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, when I was born, or reborn , I suppose… I was a fox first. A normal one.”

“A white one?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh,” I brought my hand to my mouth in disbelief. “You’re the fox that ate the fish!”

“Excuse me?”

“The last time I came here to visit your grave…”

I told Kazuha all about the little fox that kept stealing bites off of Kazuha’s fish. As I told him this, Kazuha’s face broke into a wide smile and his tails swished happily.

“Yes, that was me! Wait… That was you? Ah… I had no idea… I was so young, I was just happy someone had fed me. But of course, I remember the pretty boy that gave me fish that day… I could hardly remember your face, but I remember loving your voice and how you rubbed my— Wait, wait, wait a minute… Did you say my ‘grave?’ I have a grave?”

“Technically no, I didn’t bury you. But I left your sword beside Tomo’s grave.”

“Tomo…” Kazuha’s ears flattened slightly, and he dropped his gaze.

“Do you remember him?” I asked tentatively.

“Only a little. Dreams of him always made me very sad.”

“I feel the same way whenever I have dreams of you,” I confessed; I didn’t want to talk about sad things, so I changed the subject. “When did you gain sentience?”

“Hm,” Kazuha hummed, and I noticed him scoot a little closer to me, one of his tails curling behind my back. “When I reached adulthood as a fox, my mind became sharper. I started to perceive the world and myself differently compared to my kin. Other semi-sentient foxes noticed me, and I joined them. They said I didn’t belong with the normal foxes, or even in this realm anymore. I joined them in the Other World, you know, where Yokai live. Once I was there, everything started to change for me. My mind became so much clearer, I had interests that weren’t really foxlike anymore, and I even started to wish I was human. When I first started to make sense of my dreams, I actually believed they were of my future. A glimpse into what life was going to be like for me when I would fully ascend into this form. For me, those five hundred years passed rather quickly. I would say it felt more like fifty years.”

As Kazuha spoke, he moved even closer to me, and soon he had an arm around my waist along with his tails. I listened closely to his story, but every time our eyes met, I’d feel that old familiar flurry in my chest. It seemed like nothing had changed; I felt the same for him as the day I first fell in love with him.

“Eventually, I had the strength to finally shift my form, and to become, well this,” he pointed at himself awkwardly. “And at last, I was able to come back to the human realm and join society.”

Kazuha chuckled quietly.

“But, as I said, I don’t usually show anyone this side of me. Most people think I’m just a normal human. I don’t like to draw attention to myself. However, I have been walking amongst humans for twenty years now. Those that have known me all this time did eventually get suspicious of why I wasn’t aging. They know now of course, it’s not like it’s a scandalous revelation. Tons of Yokai live in Inazuma. I’m just a bit more reserved than them, I suppose.”

“So, when you realized your dreams were not your future, what did you start to think they were?” I asked, reaching my hand back up to touch his ears again.

He didn’t answer me at first, but closed his eyes, leaning into my touch.

“Truthfully, I gave up trying to understand them,” he admitted. “A part of me thought they were just an elaborate manifestation of my mind. I mean, you especially. You couldn’t be real. A perfect man, as stunning as you? When I had the dream revealing you were a puppet, that really made it feel like you were too good to be true. A puppet of all things! Though, I’ll admit, that is why I picked up wood carving… I fantasized about possibly making you myself. I did also consider the possibility that the dreams were memories, but not my own. I believed I had unknowingly stolen the dreams of another human, and that this form and the name I gave myself were stolen too. As if I was only mimicking Kazuha’s life. Regardless of what I tried to guess, all I knew was that I loved you. Whoever you were, wherever you were, whether you were real or not. I have been madly in love with you all my life.”

He gazed at me with a warm and undeniably lovestruck expression; I felt myself wanting to melt right into him. I never thought I would see him look at me like that ever again.

“I wish I could kiss you,” I admitted, hating myself for it.

Kazuha’s eyes widened and his tails swished happily.

“I would love that,” he said softly.

“I can’t.”

“Not even just one?” Kazuha pleaded.

“No,” I shook my head, folding my hands on my lap. “I can’t do that to Albedo.”

“Albedo?” Kazuha asked, confused. “Who is that?”

“You don’t remember him?” This surprised me.

“As I mentioned, I don’t remember every single detail of my past life,” he said apologetically.

“Albedo is Calx,” I explained. “Calx is a pseudonym, like Akikaze. He is the one that made this ring.”

I held my hand up and Kazuha’s eyes were drawn to my ring.

“Ah, yes… I remember asking an alchemist to help me but, I can’t say I remember his name,” Kazuha’s frown deepened, and his ears flattened in dismay. “So, that’s who you married. And I wrote to him about my poems… What a coincidence.”

“Maybe it’s fate, or something like that,” I shrugged.

“Why would fate bring you back to me if I can’t have you?” To my surprise Kazuha dropped his head onto my shoulder. “I want to ask you something, but I fear the answer will only hurt me more…”

“What is it?” I asked apprehensively.

“Why him?”

“Uh,” I uttered, feeling my face get warm. “Because he… He makes me happy. We understand each other in ways no one else does. And he’s… wonderful. Charming. Kind. Gentle… Romantic… Perfect…”

I wasn’t even looking at Kazuha anymore but staring at the way the leaves refracted the late afternoon sunlight, causing it to scatter the golden glow of the setting sun all around us.

“He’s the light of my life,” I said quietly. “I love him.”

A soft sigh exhaled from Kazuha’s lips, and I felt his warm breath on my neck. I didn’t know what else to say. I never thought I would find myself in this position. This was all so surreal.

“You love him… more than you loved me?” Kazuha asked quietly.

“Of course not,” I said quickly. “Don’t be stupid, Kazuha. Never, I could never love anyone the way I loved you. But I also can’t compare that to my love for Albedo. It’s… different. Not more, not less.”

Kazuha lifted his head from my shoulder but kept his eyes on my face. It was hard for me to keep eye contact with him. It was as if my mind short circuited every time I looked into his face. I couldn’t believe he was really sitting there beside me, talking to me.

“I don’t have anyone,” he confessed. “I’ve never even entertained the idea of possibly finding someone. All I’ve ever wanted is you.”

“Kazuha…” my heart ticked with longing; I felt myself tearing in two.

“You’re a dream come true, literally,” Kazuha’s voice became quieter, softer, and I felt him lean closer to me as his hand brushed against my arm. “I can touch you, hear your voice, and this is already better than any dream I’ve had. Surely, I must be here for a reason. That reason has to be you.”

I had to put my hand on his chest to stop him from getting any closer.

“If you were going to come back to me, then why did you ask me to let go?” I asked, my own voice dropping to almost a whisper.

“Did I?” Kazuha’s hand grasped my wrist and moved my hand off his chest, once more leaning closer to me. “I don’t remember asking such a thing.”

“I-it was…after you died…” I stammered, shrinking into the tree trunk to keep my distance from him. “I was in mourning, and you came to me…”

I explained what happened, how I met Albedo, and how we fell in love. It was easier to share this now, maybe because I was panicking from how bold he was being. Kazuha’s eyes became sadder with each word I spoke. Listening to me talk about someone else was hurting him, but he needed to know the truth, that my heart didn’t just belong to him anymore, and that he himself gave me the blessing to be with Albedo. He needed to understand that I couldn’t just fall back into place with him. The time for that had long since passed.

“I’m sorry,” somehow, I managed to keep my voice steady and composed. “Really, Kazuha. I’m so sorry.”

Kazuha finally leaned away from me, and before my eyes, his tails and ears disappeared. He looked so small and defeated. Guilt filled my heart. I was starting to wish I never came to Inazuma.

“Hm,” Kazuha murmured quietly, looking down at his hands on his lap. “I’ve never had my heartbroken before. Not in this life, anyway. I must say… I don’t really like it.”

I opened my mouth to apologize again, but he held up his hand and shook his head.

“It’s alright,” he said, gracing me with a small smile. “Meeting you and knowing that you’re real should be enough for me. This doesn’t change anything. I can continue my life as before, without you, if I have to. Even though I am sure I will always love you, and it hurts that I can’t have you, at least I know you are happy and that you are loved.”

I hated this. I hated hurting him, and it was hurting me too. My heart was breaking as well, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t know how to fix any of this. Words failed me, I had no idea what else to say to him, so we sat in silence for some time, watching the sun set. As the minutes passed, Kazuha reached for my hand, and I let him hold it. Sitting in that tree with him, our fingers interlaced, watching the sky darken above us, it felt just like before. As if no time had passed, as if he never left me, as if it was just me and him and no one else mattered. But that just wasn’t the case. There was someone that mattered, someone I loved that was waiting for me to come back home.

“What now?” Kazuha asked once the sun had set, and we had nothing but the moonlight on our faces.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“Do you have anywhere to stay for the night?”

“Oh. I was just going to stay in an Inn…”

“You can stay with me. I have a couch I can sleep on, and you can take my bed. If you’d like.”

I turned to look at him. He was still gazing out over the horizon, but his expression was hard, unmoving, as if he was avoiding my gaze.

“It won’t be a bother, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he said quietly.

“Alright,” I consented. “That’s fine.”

“Let’s go then, it’s getting cold.”

He let go of my hand and hopped down from the tree with ease. As soon as I landed beside him, he took my hand again and we walked back to his village.

“This doesn’t bother you, does it?” He asked, squeezing my hand.

“No… This is alright.”

He led the way back to his apartment above the garden shop, and as he fumbled with the keys to open the door, I asked about the wooden foxes.

“Ah, yes, I carved those,” a smile appeared on his face, which relieved me a little, and he opened the door. “As I said before, you inspired it to become a hobby of mine.”

“And the bird houses in the garden shop? You did those too?”

“Mhm. There’s more inside… I worry what you’ll think…”

I entered his home and was greeted with the strong scent of some kind of earthy incense. He quickly turned on a lamp, partially illuminating the room. It was small and cramped with shelves of plants on nearly every wall. All sorts of vines hung from the walls and ceiling, and a miniature shishi odoshi sitting on a table filled the room with the gentle taps of bamboo and trickling water. There were more wooden carvings all around, not just foxes, but birds, cats, turtles, frogs, and to my surprise, dolls. A handful of little wooden dolls peeked out at me, many of them unfinished. I walked up to one sitting on a shelf with its hands detached, resting beside it.

“I never really get the hands quite right,” Kazuha said from behind me. “They’re so vivid in my dreams but I can’t seem to replicate them.”

I peered around the rest of the space, taking it all in. It was a tranquil place that lived and breathed everything that I loved about Kazuha. I felt as though I walked into our old home in the rainforest.

“I apologize for it being a little messy,” Kazuha said sheepishly, turning on another lamp, giving the room a cozy warm glow. “Obviously, I wasn’t expecting company.”

“No, it’s perfect.”

“Are you hungry?” He was sounding more cheerful as he disappeared into his tiny kitchen. “I have some leftovers… Wait, do you still eat?”

He popped his head out to peer at me as I sat down on his couch.

“Sometimes,” I laughed. “I could eat.”

While he busied himself in the kitchen, I let my eyes wander some more. There was only one other door, which I assumed was his bedroom. I could hear the sound of distant music and people laughing. The sounds came from an open window, and I noticed there were two small bowls on the windowsill.

“What are those for?” I asked, when Kazuha emerged holding two plates of food.

“Hm? Oh, my cat. He comes and goes as he pleases. I only feed him in the morning, he hunts at night.”

“What’s his name?”

“I… Don’t want to tell you,” Kazuha’s cheeks turned pink, and he stuffed his mouth with noodles.

“Oh no… Please don’t say you named him—”

“Don’t worry,” Kazuha laughed. “It’s not ‘Dawn.’ It’s Yugure…”

I certainly wasn’t expecting that. A sudden rush of sadness came over me, along with a tender affection for Kazuha. After all this time, the memory of our son still lives in him. It was my turn to stuff my mouth with noodles, just to prevent me from saying or doing anything stupid. This also manifested all sorts of questions in my mind. Kazuha has spent all this time with only fragments of his memory, not knowing where to look to fill the gaps. Had he ever tried to look up the Kaedehara clan at all? Did Yugure’s descendants still reside in Inazuma? That was a question not even I could answer; I lost touch with them so long ago. It was getting late, however, and I was overwhelmed with all these revelations, so I decided to save these questions for the following day.

While we ate, we discussed other, less heavier topics. Kazuha told me how he wandered through Inazuma without a home for the first several years after leaving the Yokai realm. He was too excited to explore the world of humans before finding a permanent place to stay, and spent his time hopping between the islands, familiarizing himself with every corner of Inazuma. He also mentioned that as much as he wanted to leave the islands, and travel through the other nations, he kept making excuses. Telling himself he wasn’t ready yet, or that he didn’t have enough funds, or that he didn’t want to travel alone.

Soon our plates were empty, sitting abandoned on his coffee table, while I continued listening eagerly to everything Kazuha shared about his life. Even his stories from before he came here, when he was still residing with the other Yokai. I clung to every word he said, so much that I clung to him as well, moving closer to him without realizing it. Our limbs intertwined, his arm found its way around my shoulders, I rested my weight against his chest, and our voices became quieter until there was nothing left to say. I knew it was incredibly late. Kazuha looked tired, the soft glow of his lamps reflecting in the reds of his eyes. I wanted to fall asleep there, in his arms, with his breath on my cheek.

“Forgive me for repeating myself but, you’re so beautiful,” he said softly, tracing the shape of my face with his finger. “And simply being here with you… It feels so right. As though you were meant to be here with me.”

What was I thinking by coming to his home? Sitting so close to him? Letting the time run away from me and my own emotions running with it?

“It’s very late,” I muttered, turning to hide how red my face had gotten. “We should sleep.”

I moved away from him, suddenly feeling cold as I separated my body from his warmth. With a quiet sigh, Kazuha stood and beckoned for me to follow him to his bedroom.

“There’s blankets and pillows already on the bed,” he said, his voice a bit stiff. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

“So, you’re going to sleep on your couch?” I asked, peeking into his room but not entering. “Are you sure? I could take the couch instead.”

“That wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me, would it?” Kazuha said airily.

“Oh yeah?” I crossed my arms. “Who says you have to be the gentleman?”

“You’re joking right?”

“Do you remember Dragonspine?” I raised my eyebrows at him. “I willingly slept on the hard floor and let you take the bed.”

“Oh, I remember that very clearly,” Kazuha smiled and once more leaned a bit too close to me. “I remember asking you to join me on the bed, I was so cold. You know… it might be a chilly night tonight…”

“Shut up,” I sighed, turning away from him to enter his room. “Fine. I’ll take the bed.”

Kazuha lingered, leaning on the doorframe while I unpacked my sleep clothes from my travel bag.

“Are you going to stand there all night?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Do you want me to?” Kazuha smirked, not moving.

“Since when did you become so annoying?” I demanded, crossing my arms.

“From what I remember, I believe I was always like this,” Kazuha put on an exaggerated, ponderous expression. “Didn’t you hate that I followed you all the way up that mountain the first night we met?”

“Hah, honestly, I just thought it was creepy. Especially since you said you sniffed your way to me.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Kazuha nodded. “You still smell amazing by the way.”

“Goodnight, Kazuha.”

I tried to close the door, but Kazuha held his hand out to stop it.

“Kazuha, I swear—”

“Wait a minute,” he said hurriedly. “There’s something else I remember.”

“And are you so impatient it can’t wait until tomorrow?”

“Every night, before bed, I would either play you a song from my flute, or I would recite you a poem,” Kazuha said carefully. “So, tell me, which one do you want tonight?”

I was so caught off guard, I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. Kazuha covered his own mouth to hide his laugh.

“No, neither,” I managed to blurt out. “Go to sleep. Goodnight.”

Shutting the door on his face, I let out an exasperated sigh and went back to what I was doing. Just as I settled into the bed, Kazuha’s slightly muffled voice came through the door.

“Hear my voice calling
Through the swaying veil of time
Or perhaps of death

For though our love thrives
Beyond frozen promises
I speak not to you

But to the shadows
You left here.”

Soft footsteps walked away from the door once Kazuha finished his poem, and I laid unmoving on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His voice held the same gentle cadence whenever he recited his poems. Softer than the whispers of leaves in the wind, yet spoken with purpose, so that the poem is not simply pleasant to the ears, but manages to penetrate through my being, touching my soul. That was the voice I heard in my head when I read his manuscript. He had been calling to me, but what was I supposed to do now that I came to him? Clutching my hand to my chest, I turned to my side, wishing I could get my heart to stop ticking so erratically.

As I sank into the mattress and blankets, willing for sleep to quiet my restless thoughts, I realized how much of his own scent lingered in the fabric. I closed my eyes and inhaled, breathing in the subtle scents of earth, leaves, and sunshine. Lying there, finally having a moment to myself away from him, I let my mind be taken into a wave of memories that I had tucked away. The way his breath would brush against my chest while he slept, and how I would spend hours just watching him, twisting the red strands of his hair between my fingers, admiring the way the sunrise would reflect off his snowy white eyelashes.

This was torture for me. Kazuha was just on the other side of that door… So close to me, but I couldn’t allow him to get any closer. I rolled around in his bed, letting myself get tangled in his sheets, wanting the smell of his skin and hair to smother me. I longed to climb out of the bed, open the door, and tell him to join me. He wouldn’t hesitate, I know he wouldn’t. All I had to do was ask and he’d come bounding right into the room, take me in his arms and… Oh, I was in trouble. How was I ever going to recover from this? I groaned and shut my eyes, forcing myself to think of Albedo. Albedo, who asked me to stay with him, whom I promised to never abandon. We made our own vows to each other, and though Kazuha’s return into my life certainly changed so many things, it didn’t change what I had with Albedo.

Albedo… How the hell was I going to explain any of this to him?

Chapter 3: A Wish Upon a Star

Chapter Text

The following morning, I woke with a strange weight on my chest, only to open my eyes and see a cat lying on top of me, blinking its eyes slowly.

“Oh, good morning,” I scratched its chin, drawing out a low rumble of purring. “You must be Yugure…”

When I rested my hand on my chest, Yugure nudged it with his nose for more pets.

“How did you get in here?” I wondered, glancing at the door and seeing it was cracked open.

The smell of eggs and bacon wafted into the room and I could hear Kazuha humming. Nostalgia hit me hard, reminding me of all those mornings we woke up together, taking turns on who was in charge of cooking breakfast. I almost didn’t want to get out of bed. If I went out there, I wouldn’t be able to hug him or kiss him good morning. If I stayed in bed forever, I could pretend that I was still in our old home in Sumeru, that I was still married to him, and that we were about to go on an adventure, perhaps to somewhere secluded where no one could see all the ways we expressed our love to each other. Deciding I had to face reality, I sat up, and Yugure hopped off the bed, scurrying out of the room.

As I followed him out, I realized Kazuha’s home was even more lovely with all the morning sunlight pouring in, nourishing his many plants. I stopped at the archway of his kitchen and watched as he moved an egg from the pan onto a plate. His hair was tied in a loose knot, and he was wearing sleep clothes that were a bit too baggy on him. When he turned around with a plate in his hand, he stopped humming and froze in place.

“Good morning,” I greeted him.

“‘Morning,” he said, a smile stretching across his face. “I was about to bring this to you.”

“You were going to bring me breakfast in bed?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I am only trying to be a good host,” he shrugged and placed the plate on his small kitchen table. “I see you’ve met Yugure.”

“I have. He’s sweet.”

“Is he? Normally he scratches visitors,” Kazuha turned to put more food on another plate. “He opens the bedroom door on his own, by the way.”

“Is that your way of saying you weren’t peeking at me while I was sleeping?” I asked, pulling a chair out to sit at the table.

“To avoid getting into trouble, I am not going to answer that.”

I let out a short snort before digging into my breakfast. Kazuha pulled the only other chair at his table closer to sit beside me.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked.

“Yeah. I almost thought all this was a dream and I was going to wake up to find you’re still dead,” I said casually.

“Hmm,” Kazuha hummed thoughtfully while he chewed. “Would you have preferred that?”

“What? No. Why would I?”

“I was thinking… Perhaps my existence isn’t very welcome to you,” Kazuha said quietly. “And it would be easier if I wasn’t here.”

“Please,” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be so melodramatic. You can’t seriously believe I would prefer it if you were dead?”

“Ah, well…”

“Obviously, this is complicated,” I said, staring at my food while I spoke. “But… I couldn’t be happier to know you’re alive. And to be here with you.”

I could feel Kazuha’s eyes on me, but I refused to look at him, choosing instead to turn my face slightly and pretend to be busy eating.

“Are you going to leave today?” Kazuha asked after a few minutes of eating silently.

“My flight home isn’t until tomorrow,” I frowned, realizing I was stuck there for another night.

“I see… And, does this all mean that Calx will no longer illustrate my poems?”

“Oh, crap,” I groaned. “I completely forgot about that. It’s the whole reason I’m here.”

“I understand if you no longer feel comfortable—”

“Stop,” I held my hand up. “I can still do what I came here for.”

Kazuha frowned, and I realized my tone was a bit too cold. I didn’t correct myself though. I did come there to do a job and I couldn’t let these unexpectant circ*mstances get in the way.

“I read through all your poems,” I said, pushing my empty plate aside. “Several times, actually. So, we can discuss what expectations you have for the illustrations and I’ll be able to easily follow. I’m no artist, but I can sketch your ideas for you to approve and I’ll take them to Albedo for him to paint.”

Kazuha stared at me, still frowning.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re talking to me like I’m a client, or something.”

“You are.”

Kazuha blinked and shook his head slightly, as if he was offended. Silently, he stood, cleared the table, and walked out of the kitchen.

“We can discuss this outside, then,” he said, his tone stiff.

I followed him out to his balcony where he had even more plants spilling through the bars. Yugure was out there, stretched out on a mat, sunning himself. Kazuha scooped him up, sat on the mat, and let Yugure curl into his lap. He motioned for me to sit on the mat beside him.

“Alright, then,” he said calmly. “Let’s begin.”

I took out a small sketchbook, Kazuha’s manuscript, and turned to the first poem. We began discussing the kind of imagery he was hoping to convey when he wrote it, and I started to sketch his ideas for his approval. The more we delved into the poems, the less Kazuha shared what his intentions were, because I kept interjecting with how they made me feel, what images and memories they sparked in my mind. I didn’t even realize I was sketching my own ideas instead of his until he pointed it out.

“Wow, you understand them more than I thought you would,” he sounded impressed as he leaned over my shoulder to peer at my sketch. “I don’t even need to say a thing. You don’t need the poet’s intention when your own interpretation is so perfect.”

“Oh, uh, I should probably shut up,” I said awkwardly. “This shouldn’t be about what I think.”

“Why not?” Kazuha asked, and I was becoming hyper aware of how close he was to me; his chest bumped into my shoulder, and his hair tickled my cheek. “They are about you, after all. You have all the reason to be a part of this. In fact, I would prefer it that way. For my muse to have contributed to my book with his own ideas is more than I can ask for.”

“Stop calling me your muse,” I sighed, shutting the sketchbook and pointedly looking in the opposite direction.

“But it’s the truth.”

“It’s still embarrassing to hear you say it.”

“Do you get embarrassed when Albedo calls you his muse?”

My eyes widened, and I turned to see him watching me with a curious expression. Was he testing me?

“What makes you think I’m his muse?” I asked defensively.

“How can you not be?” Kazuha tilted his head in confusion. “You’re really not? Hm. That’s surprising. What kind of artist wouldn’t be endlessly inspired by their spouse who they love so dearly?”

I let out a dry laugh and shook my head, astonished.

“Okay. I know what you’re doing. Cut it out.”

“What am I doing?”

“Don’t act stupid,” I shoved him away from me; not too hard, just enough to get him to stop leaning on me. “You’re backing me into a corner. Either I admit I’m his muse, much to my own chagrin, or I deny that I am, making it look like Albedo doesn’t love me the same way you do.”

“You got all that from my simple question?” Kazuha innocently brought his hand to his chest, affronted. “Are you sure you’re not just scared of opening up about your marriage to me?”

“Why the hell would I?” I was getting impatient, and I could see right through this innocent act Kazuha was putting on. “It’s not any of your business. You don’t need to know.”

“What, you don’t talk about these things to your friends?”

“You’re not my friend,” I said shortly.

“Ah,” Kazuha leaned his back against the railing, now sitting across from me. “Right. I’m just your client.”

I glared at him, becoming increasingly annoyed. He was trying to get under my skin.

“Well, regardless of how Albedo views you when it comes to his art,” Kazuha said, lifting Yugure back into his lap to scratch his chin. “At least I know that you and I make quite a pair. You inspire my poetry, and my poems inspire your drawings. Perhaps we don’t need Albedo to illustrate my book, after all. You’re a wonderful artist on your own.”

“I can’t do anything more than this,” I pointed at my sketchbook. “It’s just a placeholder for Albedo to build on. And stop trying to butter me up.”

“Why do you think everything I say is an attempt to manipulate you?” Kazuha asked with a frown.

This conversation was giving me Deja vu. I kept getting reminded of the early days of Kazuha and I traveling together, when he would push me like this in an effort to get me to open up to him.

“Can we just finish this?” I asked, exasperated, and reopened my sketchbook. “We only had a few left to look at.”

We spent a few more hours looking over his poems and coming up with ideas. It wasn’t easy for me. He inevitably moved closer to me again, leaning over my shoulder, bumping his knee against mine. Sometimes, he would read a poem out loud to me, to help me gain a better understanding of it. I loved listening to his voice. I loved watching the way his lips and jaw moved as he spoke. The way the sunlight gleamed off his hair and lashes, even refracting in the reds of his eyes when he would look at me. My heart would tick faster, swelling in my chest, and I’d lose the direction of the conversation, slightly flustered, asking him to repeat himself. And while we discussed the artwork for his poems, I once more couldn’t help but let my own ideas get carried away. On the other hand, I was also eager to show all this to Albedo. I couldn’t do what he could, despite Kazuha’s attempts at flattery. Kazuha’s poems deserved illustrations that matched the beauty of his words, and only Albedo was capable of that.

“I’m starving,” Kazuha said once we finally were satisfied with our work. “And sore from sitting here. Shall we go out somewhere to eat?”

“Alright,” I shrugged. “If you want to.”

“Excellent. I’m still in my sleep clothes though, so let me change.”

While I waited for him to finish, I wandered back into his apartment and perused his shelves, once more drawn to the wooden dolls he had carved. To think that through his dreams he managed to memorize the shape of my body enough to make them with such accuracy was remarkable. And… unsettling? I couldn’t quite tell how it made me feel, but the more I thought about it, the more it made my face a bit too warm. Just what were the details of his dreams that he managed to get the curve of my hip just right?

“Ready!” Kazuha announced, and quickly walked past me to hold the front door open for me.

Kazuha took my hand and led the way down into the village square where the shops and restaurants were more lively. He kept stopping me to show me around all the different establishments, his favorite book store, a place he goes on the weekends for drinks, and a hobbyist store where he buys his wood carving supplies. At last, we made it to the restaurant at the end of the lane, where it was quieter, with less foot traffic.

“I told you a lot about myself yesterday,” Kazuha said after we settled into our seats and ordered drinks. “Now you have to tell me about you.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Is it that easy?” Kazuha looked surprised. “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk about yourself.”

“Other than your pesky intrusion on my marriage, I’m an open book. Ask away.”

“Alright, well…” Kazuha hesitated.

“Seriously? Now you’re too shy to ask?”

“My first question is a big one,” he said cautiously.

“Just ask!”

“Okay. Do you have any kids?” Kazuha asked, dropping his voice slightly as if he was afraid other people might hear his scandalous question.

“No,” I answered simply.

“Really? You’ve been married all this time and you never—”

“We thought about it,” I said, waving my hand impatiently. “We talked about it. I didn’t want to adopt a human again. I didn’t want to keep seeing my family die. Albedo had a solution though…”

Kazuha stared at me, waiting. With a sigh, I continued.

“He thought he could, you know, create someone. Like me or like him. Synthetic. Someone that wouldn’t leave us.”

Kazuha frowned and I could see the pity in his eyes.

“However, after much consideration, I decided against it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted with a shrug. “It just didn’t feel right. And, what if it went wrong? Albedo and I know first hand how messed up things can get when someone attempts to create life like us. It wasn’t worth the risk.”

“Hmm,” Kazuha nodded thoughtfully. “That’s sad to hear.”

“What? Why?”

“You were a really good dad,” Kazuha said quietly. “At least, from the dreams I had.”

“Ah, well,” I sighed as a somber weight tugged at my chest. “Having an empty nest isn’t so bad. My life is fulfilling. Albedo is my family. His sister is almost always with us. I still see Nahida often. It’s not so bad.”

Why did I say that twice? It sounded like I was trying to convince myself instead of him.

“What about you?” I asked lightly, masking the shift in my mood. “Have you knocked anyone up, fox boy?”

“What - me?!”

“Yeah, any pups running around I should know about?”

“I told you I don’t have anyone!” Kazuha said defensively, his cheeks getting slightly pink.

“So, you’ve never fallen in love, doesn’t mean you couldn’t have fun,” I laughed.

“No, I mean, I’ve never even…,” Kazuha’s cheeks became even more flushed and he pointedly looked away from me. “I’m a…”

“No way,” I gasped, shocked. “You’re a virgin?”

“Dawn, someone will hear you,” Kazuha sank a little in his seat and held his menu directly in front of his face, pretending to read it.

“Kazuha–” laughter cut me off and I had to take a moment to stifle it. “Kazuha, there’s no need to be embarrassed. You are a 500 year old virgin… Uh, so was I when I first met you.”

“I would much prefer it if we didn’t talk about this,” Kazuha said from behind his menu.

As if to save him from his own humiliation, and my urge to tease him, the waiter showed up to take our order.

“By the way,” Kazuha said a few moments after, no longer blushing. “Who is Nahida?”

“Ah, I guess that’s something you don’t remember… You would know her as Lesser Lord Kussanali. The Dendro Archon.”

Kazuha’s eyes widened.

“The god that made you?” He asked excitedly. “I knew it was a god, I just couldn’t remember which one…”

“No, no, no,” I held my hands up to stop him. “You’re way off. Oh, damn… If you don’t even remember who made me, then there’s still so much you don’t know…”

“I had most of my dreams when I was younger,” Kazuha said apologetically. “And they were sporadic. The older I became, the more time passed between them. I actually can’t remember the last time I dreamed of you. It’s been years. It is why I started writing the poems in the first place, hoping for them to come back so that I could learn more about you, and be with you even if it was only while I slept.”

“It’s alright,” I said, distractedly moving the food around my plate. “I guess I should start from the beginning.”

It had been a very long time since I shared my past with anyone. It was so far removed from who I was now, that it truly felt like I too had been reincarnated. I had lived many lives, each one still living within me, and I still carried the lessons they all taught me. It was easier to share my life with Kazuha now than it had been when I first met him. Looking back now, I couldn’t believe I had been so worried about telling him the truth. As I reached the point where I met Kazuha, the story moved a little quicker. He remembered plenty, just not everything. He didn’t even know he was a Kaedehara.

“If I had known that, I would have looked up the name!” He said with frustration.

This explained why he didn’t know what happened to Yugure’s descendants, something he now swore to discover as soon as he had the chance.

“And that’s it,” I said after a long bout of talking. “Then you died.”

“And then you remarried.”

“One hundred years after you died,” I reminded him.

“Kind of a short amount of time for immortals, though, don’t you think?” Kazuha asked, his face leaning on his hand as he smirked at me.

“It wasn’t an easy decision!” I said indignantly. “When Albedo found me that day in the snow, I was distraught. I hadn’t even begun to heal from your death. The grief I felt was as strong as the day I lost you. But then… being with him… It changed everything. It was unexpected, and new, and it brought a light back into my life that I thought I had lost forever. And trust me. It wasn’t easy for me to accept it. I ran away from him. I would have kept running forever if I hadn’t realized that you wouldn’t want that for me.”

“You’re right,” Kazuha said quietly. “I wouldn’t. As much as it pains me now, I am relieved to hear that you have been with someone that made you feel that way.”

I felt the need to apologize to him again, but I held my tongue.

“Come on,” Kazuha said with a sigh, piling our empty plates on the table. “Let’s get some fresh air.”

The sun had set by the time we left the restaurant. While we walked aimlessly through the village, I filled Kazuha in on what I had been up to all this time. It wasn’t very eventful. The last thousand years had been nothing but peaceful and honestly really boring. Yet, Kazuha was still eager to hear all about it. I also informed him of where I last heard that the newly revived Kaedehara clan lived - Yugure’s descendents. I had to return to Mondstadt the next morning, so I wouldn’t be able to join him in checking the place out, but I wanted him to know in case he was curious to learn more about them.

Eventually, we returned to Kazuha’s apartment, and he made us tea to enjoy out on his balcony. Yugure wasn’t out there, likely out hunting for the night. Much of my initial shock from this whole ordeal had passed, leaving me a bit melancholy about it all. The past two days with Kazuha had been like something out of a dream, and I wasn’t ready for the dream to end. However, it was coming to an end. It was getting later and later into the night, Kazuha was slumped against my shoulder, fighting sleep, and not speaking much. I probably should have suggested we go to bed, but again, I wanted to cherish every moment I had with him. Who knew when I would see him again? He seemed to be having the same train of thought.

“When you leave,” he said, his voice quiet with sleepiness. “Will I hear from you again?”

“I’m sure Albedo will ask me to stay in touch so we can continue discussing your poetry book,” I answered, though I knew that wasn’t what he was asking.

“Can’t I be just a little more than your client?” He asked, taking my hand, holding it loosely in his. “Can’t we be friends? I would like to write to you.”

“Yeah,” I said, glad he couldn’t see my smile from that angle. “We can be friends.”

“Thank you… And… What are you going to tell Albedo?”

“I have no idea. But I’m sure I’ll figure it out.”

“Hmm.”

We sat there for a little while longer. I thought he had fallen asleep, so I let myself get lost in thought as I watched the moon and stars gradually move across the sky. Suddenly, Kazuha sat up, his eyes wide as he too looked up at the sky.

“Do you see that?” He asked, pointing up at the stars.

I followed the direction of his fingers and saw one star shining brighter than the rest, twinkling, and growing.

“I do,” I said slowly. “Is it moving?”

“I believe it’s a shooting star!” Kazuha exclaimed.

It certainly looked like it, but it was brighter than any shooting star I had ever seen. Kazuha stood up and leaned over his balcony, mesmerized as he gazed up at the star. I joined him but found myself more distracted by the look on his face. My heart skipped at the sight of wonder in his eyes, his slightly crooked smile, and the way the wind caused his hair to flutter around his face. The burning urge to grab him and kiss him was stronger than ever, and I only managed to resist when I saw him tightly shut his eyes.

“What are you doing?” I laughed.

“Making a wish, please be quiet.”

Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I turned my attention back at the star that was close enough now to see its stunning, sparkling tail as it moved across the sky. However, the closer it got, the stranger it looked. It was getting too close to be just a shooting star and it was starting to look like it was splitting in two.

“Wait a minute…” I muttered.

“Shhh.”

“No, Kazuha, look at it,” I insisted, shaking his shoulder.

Kazuha opened his eyes and his lips parted in surprise.

“Is it… Two stars?” He asked, astonished.

“Twin stars…”

They were close enough now that there was no denying it. Two separate stars were shooting across the sky, circling around each other in some kind of cosmic dance. And their destination did not appear to continue back into the sky, but were heading right towards Teyvat. My heart began to tick erratically, and I felt a knot of disbelieving anxiety in my throat. I had only seen something like this once before, and I was sure I would never see it again.

“It can’t be,” I breathed, watching as the stars gleamed over us, beyond Inazuma’s shores, towards the mainland.

“Unbelievable!” Kazuha shouted. “Are they meteors then? Oh my, they’re gorgeous. I’ve never seen anything like this! Ah, I hope they don’t cause any damage when they land.”

I was hardly paying attention to what Kazuha was saying. I stared, open mouthed as the stars disappeared over the sea, likely landing somewhere in Sumeru, or perhaps Fontaine. My mind was buzzing with what this could mean, and there was only one person I could think to ask… Nahida… But I couldn’t while Kazuha was with me. I had to wait.

“Wow,” Kazuha breathed, turning back to me when there was nothing left to see, grinning widely, eyes shining. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah… It was.”

“Are you alright?” Kazuha’s smile faded and his expression shifted to one of concern.

“Of course, I am,” I said hurriedly. “So, what did you wish for?”

“If I tell you, then it won’t come true,” Kazuha said, his smile returning. “Although, it probably won’t come true at all seeing as the stars landed here in Teyvat…”

“Wishing on stars never comes true,” I said carelessly. “Only children believe in that. Surely, you know better.”

Kazuha shrugged, turning to head into his apartment.

“Life is more fulfilling when you believe in things like this. My own existence is an unexpected circ*mstance, why shouldn’t I believe in wishing upon a star?”

“Okay, Kazuha,” I said, exasperated and eager to get into the privacy of the bedroom so I could reach out to Nahida. “Well, I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Oh, so soon?” Kazuha frowned, standing in the middle of his living room.

“It’s almost three in the morning,” I sighed. “And I need to wake up early. Goodnight.”

“Well, how about another poem before bed?” Kazuha asked, almost pleadingly as he followed into his bedroom.

“Okay, fine.”

I sat at the edge of his bed, crossing my arms impatiently. Instead of staying at the doorway, he sat beside me and took my hand, making me uncross my arms. Suddenly aware that we were sitting in his bed together, I avoided his gaze and stared fixedly at the wall. Kazuha didn’t seem satisfied with this though.

“Could you look at me, please?” He asked politely.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I reluctantly turned to meet his. He gave me a small smile before beginning, holding my gaze as he spoke.

“Lonesome dove cooing
A somber tune of longing
Upon bare branches

Winter winds carry
This feathered song of heartbreak
To reach his lover

At the bridge between
Eternal, empty skies.”

“That one is hardly different from yesterday’s poem,” I said, attempting to appear unmoved despite knowing his words had touched my very soul.

“They can get a bit repetitive when I write about wanting the same thing over and over again,” he admitted.

“Whatever it is you want, and whatever it is you wished for, you know I can’t give it to you.”

“That doesn’t mean I’ll give up,” catching me by surprise, Kazuha lifted his hand to my face, brushing my hair behind my ear. “I have all the time in the world to keep on wishing.”

I let go of his hand to grab his other wrist, stopping him from touching me.

“I need to go to bed now,” I said, placing his hand on his lap.

Kazuha hesitated for a moment, and I could see in his eyes he was mustering up the courage to ask me something.

“Could I… Could I please sleep at your side tonight?” He asked, and through the flicker of light from the lamp, I could almost see the hope shining in his eyes.

“No.”

“I promise, I’ll behave.”

“Kazuha—”

“We did it before!” Kazuha insisted. “Before anything happened between us. We were friends… and you would let me sleep with you.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t married back then, was I?” I asked, frustrated.

“I’ve slept alone my whole life. With nothing but my dreams to keep me company. If you’re going to leave, can’t you at least gift me a single night in your arms?”

“You’re just as insufferable as I remember,” I sighed, covering my face with my hands to hide the burning rapidly rising in my cheeks.

“That didn’t sound like a no…”

Would it really be so wrong? More than anything, sleeping at his side was what I ached for the most. What would one night hurt? I thought of how I almost asked him to join me the night before, but at the time I was still reeling from the fact that it was even a possibility and had to show more restraint. Now…I was preparing to go home to Albedo. And I had other things on my mind… Those stars, could they really be what I thought they were? Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to have Kazuha keep me company tonight. Even if it was for just one night.

“Get out, so that I can change,” I said at last. “Then, you can come back in.”

Without saying a word, Kazuha leapt off the bed and closed the door behind him. I hurriedly changed out of my clothes, grateful that the shorts and shirt I wore to bed weren’t too revealing. As soon as I was done, I crawled under his blanket, shut off the lamp, and called to him that I was ready. With the room now dark, I could only make out his hair gleaming in the moonlight that came through the window as he reentered the room. He quickly climbed into bed, slipping under the blanket as well. My heart was racing, tumbling over itself with anticipation. The first thing I felt was his leg brush against mine, and I had to stop myself from jerking it away. As he moved closer, my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and the sight of him resting his face beside mine almost took my breath away.

“Hi,” he said breathlessly, smiling widely.

“Hey,” I was smiling just as wide; I was so giddy, and as ridiculous as it sounds, this was oddly making me feel young again.

“This is amazing.”

I laughed, covering my face.

“We’re just lying down!”

“I know, isn’t it amazing?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “It is.”

“Can I move closer?”

“Sure…”

Kazuha shimmied himself nearer, our legs bumping into each other, having no choice but to slide over the other, becoming tangled. Throwing aside any apprehension, I reached for him and pulled him closer until I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

“You know what?” He asked quietly, his face just inches away from mine. “I think I understand now why a married man probably shouldn’t be doing this.”

“You said you would behave,” I reminded him.

His hands moved across my back, bunching up my shirt, brushing my skin with his thumb. I felt my mouth go dry as I noticed his gaze drop down to my lips.

“My resolve is being tested,” he whispered.

“Control yourself, fox boy. You’re not supposed to look at your friends like that.”

“Oh? Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Shut up.”

A soft laugh exhaled through his lips, and Kazuha moved even closer, bringing his face to my chest, nervously resting his weight against me. The moment he settled into my arms, something changed.

“Wow,” I uttered, a rush of emotion suddenly flooding my heart.

“Huh?”

I closed my eyes, and without caring about anything else, I wrapped my arms tightly around him while pressing my face into his hair.

“Dawn?”

I felt something snap in my chest, shaking my very soul, causing tears to spill from my eyes and into his hair.

“Dawn… It’s alright,” his voice was muffled as I pressed him close to me, weeping into his hair.

“I missed you,” I confessed, my voice shaking. “I missed this…”

My fingers found the red strands of his hair, and twisted into it in a familiar way while I left tearful kisses all over his hair. Kazuha’s breath was hot against my chest, making my shirt stick to my skin, and I realized he too was overcome with emotion.

“I don’t want to go to sleep,” he said, his voice thick. “I don’t want the sun to rise just for you to go with it. I want you to stay.”

“I wish I could,” I sighed, getting a hold of myself a little.

“I thought wishing was for children…”

“Wishing on stars is.”

“Dawn… Your heart…”

“What about it?”

“It sounds like… A music box.”

I laughed, finally giving me relief from the torrent of humiliating tears.

“No one has ever said that before,” I admitted, combing my fingers through his hair to smooth out the tangles I just created.

“I’m going to try to memorize the way it sounds, that way I’ll never forget it,” Kazuha said softly, turning his face slightly so that his ear was pressed right above my heart.

I didn’t say anything else, not wanting to disturb him from listening to the way my heart ticked for him. At that moment, I could honestly say my heart was ticking only for him. My fingers gently brushed through his hair, and I gazed down at the small part of his face that was visible to me. Just a bit of his cheek and one of his eyes, closed, with the periwinkle light of my ring reflecting off his white lashes. After several moments, the weight of his body relaxed, sinking into me, and his breath became slower. After a thousand years, Kazuha had fallen asleep in my arms once more. This blissful moment pushed every other worry out of my mind. Albedo, the falling stars, I even forgot about calling Nahida to see what she knew about them. The night was still and quiet, with nothing but the sound of Kazuha’s breath to lull me to sleep. Just before the last threads of consciousness withered away, I kissed his hair one more time, and whispered into his ear…

“I love you.”

Chapter 4: This Is For the Best

Chapter Text

Once more, I woke up with a weight on my chest the next morning. Thinking it was Kazuha’s cat Yugure again, I put my hand on his head without opening my eyes and rubbed his ears. These ears were quite large though, and instead of Yugure’s soft purring, a low hum vibrated against my chest. Opening my eyes, I was greeted with Kazuha’s face, just inches from mine, still fast asleep, and drooling a little. It seemed that while he was sleeping, he slipped back into his kitsune form. Biting back a laugh, I continued rubbing his ears, watching with amusem*nt how they twitched, and how his fives tails swished lazily back and forth. They oddly reminded me of wheat swaying in the wind.

While he slept, I took the chance to get a proper look at him without worrying about being caught staring. His face seemed to be about the same age as he was when I first met him. It was weird. As fond as I am of those early years, I couldn’t help but miss his little crow's feet, or smile lines, or how beautifully long he let his hair grow out as he aged. It wasn’t just the youth of his features that was odd, but how unblemished his skin was. There were no scars on his face or arms. I used to have them all memorized, along with the ones on his chest and back. Even his hand, which I brought up to my face to examine, was completely smooth. No angry red burns, welts, or calluses. He did, however, have a couple freckles on the back of his hand. That was new. Or maybe not. Maybe they were always there, but the burns had warped them. I wondered what other parts of his body would look like now that he was without scars. It was a shame I wouldn’t have the chance to memorize his body all over again.

It turned out Yugure had joined us after all, and he crawled out from under a blanket when he sensed I was awake. I now had two sets of ears to rub, and Yugure joined Kazuha’s low humming with his purring. Is this what my life would be like if I stayed? Waking up to these two piled on top of me, demanding I pet them before I’d be free to leave the bed? That didn’t sound so bad… After just a few more minutes, Kazuha slowly opened his eyes, squinting slightly against the morning light. The foxlike ovals of his pupils dilated as they adjusted to the light, and his gaze found mine.

“Morning,” I said, smirking.

Kazuha’s face broke into a wide smile, his sharp teeth flashing as he lifted his head from my chest.

“Good morning!” He said brightly. “Wow…”

“Wow, what?”

“I’m waking up with you in my bed,” Kazuha moved his hands up to my face, and I had to stop myself from pushing him away, from getting too close. “Do you have any idea how many times I would wake up and be too scared to open my eyes, because I knew you wouldn’t be beside me? What an awful feeling...”

“I know that feeling very well, actually,” I said, a small tug at my heart. “When you died, I hated waking up without you.”

“At least we got to do it one more time,” Kazuha said quietly; he stared at me for a moment, and I once more recognized that look in his eyes when he was unsure if he should ask me something. “Do you like waking up with someone else?”

“You mean, Albedo?”

Kazuha nodded.

“Why do you ask me these questions when you know the answers will hurt you?”

“So, then, you do like waking up with him,” Kazuha gave me a sad smile.

“Yes,” I admitted. “I like waking up next to my husband.”

“You know, I was your husband first, so—”

“Kazuha,” I sighed, pushing him off me and sitting up.

“Do you want me to make you breakfast before you go?” He asked as I gathered my things back into my travel bag.

“No, thank you. I have to take the ferry all the way back to Narukami Island. I need to get going.”

Kazuha sat quietly on the bed, watching me.

“I have to change,” I told him, impatiently.

“It’s not as though I haven’t seen you—”

“Only in your dreams, right? Now get out.”

With a dramatic sigh, he stood from the bed with his ears slightly flattened on his head. Once all his tails were out of the room, and Yugure as well, I closed the door and quickly changed my clothes. Just to be polite, I decided to make Kazuha’s bed, and honestly, I really wanted to steal one of his pillows just to take the scent of him with me but decided against it.

“Alright, I’m ready,” I announced, emerging from his bedroom.

“I’ll walk you to the pier,” Kazuha said, opening the door for me; his ears and tails had disappeared once more, which made him look smaller.

“Bye Yugure,” I kneeled down to scratch Yugure’s ears when he came to rub himself on my leg. “You’re so sweet. Sorry I didn’t have more time to play with you.”

“He’s going to miss you,” Kazuha said as we left his home.

“Yeah, right. He will forget me in the next five minutes.”

“How could anyone ever forget you?”

“I made the whole world forget me once, it’s not that hard.”

Kazuha took my hand as we walked through the island. We didn’t say much. My imminent departure was approaching, and the fact that we were about to say goodbye to each other weighed heavy between us. Occasionally, I would glance at him, only to regret it immediately. There was a small frown on his face, and his gaze was fixed on the ground in front of him. When we reached the pier where the ferry was docked, we came to a stop. I opened my mouth to say something, but words failed me, and I just coughed awkwardly instead, hoping he would fill the silence instead. He didn’t. He simply held my hand in his for a while, staring at them before suddenly pulling me into a tight embrace. I closed my eyes and buried my face into his hair, cherishing the bliss that being in his arms gave me.

“I don’t want you to go,” he spoke into my ear.

Deja vu again… Memories of the first time I had to say goodbye to him that day in Liyue flooded my mind, only this time, I was the one leaving. And this time, I couldn’t kiss him.

“I’ll write to you,” I promised.

“That’s not…” Kazuha sighed, dropping his face onto my shoulder. “Alright.”

He let me go, his arms dejectedly falling to his sides. I leaned in to kiss him on his cheek, because it was the only thing I could think of doing, and it was the closest I could get to what I actually wanted to do. It at least managed to make him smile, even though it was only a small one.

“I promise, you’ll hear from me soon,” I assured him.

“Alright,” he said again, nodding. “I look forward to hearing from you. Really, I’ll check my mailbox every day.”

“So desperate,” I laughed. “Have some self-respect.”

Kazuha chuckled and awkwardly fumbled with his sleeve; it reminded me of how he used to mess with the bandages on his hand when he was uneasy.

“Looks like the ferry is going to leave soon,” he said with an odd grimace, as if he was trying not to show how sad this was making him but was failing.

“Yeah,” I made sure my bag was over my shoulder and started to step away from him. “Bye, then.”

“Bye, Dawn,” Kazuha lifted his hand and waved.

I waved back, walking backwards, unwilling to tear my eyes away from him. Unfortunately, I almost tripped and had no choice but to turn my back on him. As soon as I boarded the ferry, I leaned over the edge, craning my neck to find him. He had walked to the edge of the pier and was waving at me again.

“Dawn!” He shouted.

“I see you,” I laughed.

“I love you!”

“I know!”

“I’m going to win you back!” He said confidently, his eyes wide and bright with the sunshine right on his face.

“Oh, yeah? You don’t have to win me over, Kazuha, I’ll always love you,” I felt the heat in my face rise, hoping the small group of people nearby couldn’t hear me.

“Then I’ll find a way to make you mine again!”

“I’ll always be yours,” I laughed.

“Damn it, Dawn, you know what I mean!”

“Kazuha, don’t,” I shook my head, leaning forward a little more as the ferry began to move. “Don’t waste your life waiting for me. I’m not worth it. Find someone else.”

“Never!” Kazuha looked like he was about to jump into the water but stopped himself. “I’ll do anything! I’ll find a way! Even if it takes me years, centuries! I have time! I love you and I’ll never stop loving you, and I’ll never stop wanting you!”

Could he be more embarrassing? I covered my face, partly from the humiliation, but also because I wanted to hide how much he was making me smile. When I lowered my hands, he was far enough that I wouldn’t be able to hear him shouting anymore. My amusem*nt quickly faded as I sailed further away, replaced with a heavy ache in my chest. I watched his hair whip around his face with the sea breeze, his hand waving in the air, until the distance between us made it impossible to see him. The journey back to Narukami Island was short, and before I knew it, I was back on the plane heading to Mondstadt. During the flight, I reread Kazuha’s poems, looking over the sketches we decided to pair with each one. There was one in particular that I was drawn to, that brought me some comfort.

Dancer of the night
I watch you take flight from me
Clinging onto you

Our fingers, they slip
Winds take you across waters
I’ll sail ‘til you’re found

We will dance again
And this time, I’ll fly with you

Flying back to Mondstadt felt like I was leaving a part of my heart behind in Inazuma. I felt… Fragmented. A feeling that never went away when Kazuha died, but that I had almost forgotten about. The spaces between the broken pieces were never filled, but at least the jagged edges had dulled over time. Being with him allowed me to feel whole again, and despite it only lasting two short days, going back to life without him felt so wrong. As if it was against my nature. Maybe it was, but just as much as I wanted to stay, I wanted to leave. I wasn’t going back to Albedo out of obligation, but because he too held a fragment of my heart that always kept me tethered to him.

Upon landing, my nerves spiked as I walked through the city of Mondstadt and out to the rolling hills where our house was. I remember when I asked Albedo to build it there, high on a cliff with a view, away from Dragonspine, he was surprisingly eager to make the change. Albedo had been living on the mountain alone for far too long, and it wasn’t somewhere I wanted to spend eternity in. The cold and snow reminded me too much of Snezhnaya, I missed the sun and warmth of Sumeru, and it was clear Albedo had only built his house there to isolate himself from the world. I understood that he wanted to stay in Mondstadt, but there was no way I was going to stay on that giant icicle forever, so we built a home under the sun, where the winds weren’t harsh, but gentle, where I could actually see and touch the grass, and the rocks would warm in the afternoon for me to rest and maybe even nap on.

Smoke curled into the air out of our chimney as I approached the house, so I knew Albedo was home. The light of the setting sun reflected off the glass of my greenhouse, blinding me slightly, and I felt regret that I forgot to buy any plants from the shop Kazuha worked for. As I entered the house, my nerves calmed a bit. I was home. My home for the last several centuries. The countless paintings on the walls, the funny smell of something burning that never went away (thanks to Klee), the patterned rug I brought from Sumeru that covered our stone floor, and the sound of bubbling and metal and glass clinking together as I approached Albedo’s study.

“I’m home!” I called as I walked through the hall.

Albedo’s head popped out from his study right before I reached it, and the moment our eyes met, I felt my face break into a smile and a light burst in my chest. I didn’t have to take another step; Albedo practically ran at me and threw his arms around me.

“Hah, did you really miss me that much?” I laughed, surprised by how tight he was squeezing me. “It’s only been two days, get a grip.”

“It felt longer,” he said, kissing me hard on my cheek.

“It did,” I admitted.

Pulling away, but not letting go, Albedo looked into my face. Ah, why did my heart still skip when he gazed at me like that, even after all these years?

“How was your trip?” He asked.

“It was… Much more than I expected it to be,” I answered vaguely. “I have a lot to talk to you about.”

“I imagine you do. Let’s get comfortable, then.”

Albedo walked past his study, and I followed him into our sitting room, where the fireplace was alight and crackling invitingly.

“So, tell me everything,” Albedo said as we sat side by side on our couch. “Tell me about… Akikaze.”

“He… um…”

Albedo stared at me intently, but his finger was tapping impatiently on his knee.

“The thing is, it’s a little crazy,” I began, with a feeble attempt to sound casual. “But um, it turns out I actually already knew Akikaze.”

“Did you?” Albedo titled his head slightly.

“Yes,” I wanted to look away, but Albedo’s steady gaze prevented me from looking anywhere else. “He’s an old friend.”

“An old friend… From Inazuma? I didn’t think you had any friends there anymore.”

“I didn’t either.”

“So, who is it?”

My heart was ticking so fast, it was practically whirring. I opened my mouth, my lips formed the words, and as I spoke, it was as though my voice didn’t even belong to me.

“It’s Kazuha. Akikaze is Kazuha.”

Not only did it not feel as though the words belonged to me, but they were almost tangible, floating from me like leaves towards Albedo, where they would brush against his skin rather than whisper into his ears. Did he hear the words, did he hear Kazuha’s name, or did he feel it? Albedo blinked and knitted his eyebrows together in confusion as if someone had flicked him hard on the cheek. Maybe he did feel it.

“Excuse me?”

Damn it, I had to say it again. As if it wasn’t hard the first time.

“Kazuha, he’s alive. He’s back.”

“I don’t understand.”

A nervous laugh escaped my lips, and I cleared my throat awkwardly.

“I was shocked too,” I assured him. “This is going to sound… surreal. It is surreal. But… I think he reincarnated. He’s been reborn.”

Albedo’s eyes flickered back and forth as he stared at me, attempting to comprehend what I was saying, perhaps searching for a sign that I might be joking. He knew better though. Why would I ever joke about Kazuha being alive?

“Kazuha is back,” he said quietly; maybe if he said it out loud it made it real. “And he’s Akikaze. The poet that wrote Aurora .”

“Yes,” I nodded.

“And you… And he… Does he remember you?” Albedo’s voice shook as he stammered, which was slightly alarming for me; he never really lost his composure like that.

“Yes,” I answered. “He doesn’t remember everything of his past life but he… He definitely remembers me.”

“Is that why he wrote those poems? Is that why he sent them to me, did he know you’re with me? Did he know they would reach me?” I was surprised to hear the urgency in Albedo’s tone.

“Uh, no. That’s not why…”

I then dived straight into an explanation of Kazuha’s surprise existence, explaining how his memories have slowly dripped into his mind through dreams, and that he has been living as a Yokai for the last five hundred years. Albedo didn’t say a word as I spoke, only nodding occasionally to show he was listening. When I finished, he sat there for a moment, staring off into fireplace while his hand absentmindedly fiddled with his hair.

“I thought…” he said slowly after several moments. “I mean… I wondered…”

“What?”

“The poems, the title… They all made me think of you. It is why I liked them so much. However, as I read them, I couldn’t help but wonder if they were connected to you, somehow. The style is obviously new, Kazuha wrote differently in his past life, but the sound of his voice seemed to speak to me as I read his words.”

“I feel the same way,” I admitted. “When I read them, I even went back to find his old poetry, because of how much they reminded me of him. Is… Is that why you asked me to go? Did you think it was him?”

“I’m not saying I believed Kazuha had come back from the dead,” Albedo clarified, staring at the fire as he processed his thoughts. “If anything, I thought it was someone who had gotten their hands on some lost relic holding Kazuha’s poems. Or perhaps, a descendant of your son’s who had studied their ancestor’s work.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess that would have made more sense…”

“It would have,” Albedo glanced at me for a moment, before returning his gaze to the fire. “Funny how the truth is more fantastical than what would have been a logical explanation.”

“Yeah. It’s… Unbelievable…”

“Truly.”

Albedo continued staring off into dancing flames, and I was getting a little irritated. I didn’t know what I expected when I imagined telling him all this. Of course, he would get lost in his own head as his brilliant mind turned over this revelation, working to make sense of it. Apparently sensing my unease, Albedo reached for my hand and held it, even though he still wouldn’t look at me.

“Kazuha is alive, and you still came back to me,” he said quietly.

“Ah… Yeah, of course I did.”

“Did you… feel nothing when you saw him?”

Ah, there it was. Maybe it would have been best if he continued staring into the fire a little longer, and yet, Albedo turned and met my gaze. His eyes looked like jewels with the light of fire flickering within his river-colored irises.

“Honestly,” I took a deep breath as I braced myself. “I felt everything. Everything. As if he had never left me.”

Again, the words did not feel like my own. Perhaps detaching myself from them would make me feel less guilty if they ended up hurting Albedo. However, to my surprise, he smiled. It was small, just the corner of his mouth lifting slightly, but it softened his face.

“I’m not even the smallest bit surprised,” he said softly. “I know… I know how much you still love him. I know that I was never—”

“Okay, wait,” I interrupted. “Don’t start saying that you were never enough. Or that you never measured up, or were good enough, or whatever the hell you were about to say. I mean, come on. Don’t be stupid. You know how happy you make me.”

Albedo chuckled softly, then rested his face against the cushion of the couch, facing me. I moved a little closer and did the same, until I was close enough to kiss him if I wanted to.

“So, then, what does this mean?” He asked, lifting his hand so he could trace the outline of my lips and jaw, a sign of affection he often showed when he was getting the urge to paint me again. “Are you here to tell me that you want to be with him? Or are you here to stay?”

‘Stay.’ The first thing Albedo ever asked of me, and the first promise I ever made him. After a life of losing the ones we loved, either from abandonment or death, all we wanted was to find someone who would actually stay. And gods, did I want to, even though it scared me so much. I’ll never regret coming back to him. I’ll never regret staying.

“I don’t break my promises,” I said quietly. “I’ll stay forever, if you want me to.”

“You made promises to him too, you know. Vows,” Albedo’s gaze dropped to my hand, lifting it so we could both look at my ring. “Do you remember them?”

“Yes,” I said, frowning. “I promised him I wouldn’t run away, too. I promised him I would stay…”

“What else?”

“That I would never give up on us…To always be there to hold him at night, cook his favorite meals, to always be there when he’s tired and doesn’t want to be the strong one anymore, to heal his wounds… And…”

“And?”

“And that my soul belongs to him,” my voice quieted to a whisper as I stared at my ring, though in my mind I was seeing Kazuha, with tears of happiness in his eyes, and a shower of Sakura blossoms raining down on us on our wedding day. “And that it would burn for him for all eternity.”

“Does your soul still burn for him?” Albedo asked, his voice just as quiet, nearly inaudible under the sound of the crackling fire. “Is the light in your heart shining ever brighter now that he’s returned?”

“Yes.”

I lifted my gaze back to Albedo’s face. His unruly blond hair barely contained by his braid, eyes, so clear, like rushing water, reflecting the true age of his soul, and the perfect shape of his face, chiseled from chalk… As stunning as he was, he wasn’t Kazuha.

“And you expect me to keep you here?” He asked, smirking slightly. “Knowing that Kazuha has come back for you?”

Come back for me? Did Kazuha really come back for me? I’d like to imagine Kazuha’s existence was much bigger than simply being tethered to me. He may not be it now, but he had the soul of a samurai, of a hero. But what was left in this world to fight for? Was there another great evil looming over the horizon that would require another valiant hero like Kazuha to vanquish it? Maybe that was my flaw. Even now, I could only think in extremes. As if Kazuha’s destiny had to be for something grand, as if the stability and peace throughout the land was about to be overturned, and Kazuha’s precious soul was our only hope. Could it really be that Kazuha came back for me? Reincarnation is rare, something I’ve only heard gods experience. And oftentimes, it’s not literal, but a journey one must go through. I knew that journey well. So… Why? Why did he come back?

Could love itself be a force so strong that it would guide Kazuha’s soul back from the dead, just to be with me? Not just any love though. Our love. Our love was something so powerful in my life that it was its own force, its own living and breathing being. It lived on even after his death. He never left me. He only made sure I wasn’t alone so that I wouldn’t lose myself without him. So that I could be whole when he was ready to return. I really should have talked to Nahida about this before coming home to Albedo. Regardless, there I was, now faced with the fact that I had to answer Albedo’s question, that I had to make a choice.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked slowly, narrowing my eyes. “Are you implying I leave you for him?”

“I’m not implying anything,” Albedo shook his head, his golden hair swaying around his face. “I only want you to do whatever brings you happiness.”

“I am happy with you,” I said stubbornly. “I love you.”

Albedo’s face softened with an affectionate smile, and he leaned close to briefly kiss my cheek.

“I know you do,” he said. “And I know you made me a promise you have no intention of breaking. I am only saying, that if Kazuha is—”

“I don’t know why Kazuha is back,” I interrupted. “He doesn’t even know. If it’s for me, then maybe his soul should have thought of that before letting me fall for you. My heart may have manifested itself because of him, but it stopped beating, ticking, the day he died. I endured a hundred years with a silent chest, with a dead organ weighing heavy with grief. If I was only meant to be with him, then it would have stayed that way all this time. It wouldn’t have started up again until he returned. But that’s not the case, is it? My heart restarted the day I fell in love with you, Albedo. It ticks for you, and the light within it burns for you, just as much as it did for him. My love for you has not changed, and the promises I made you are not null just because he’s back.”

The smile on Albedo’s face had faded, and he stared at me with an odd intensity. The hand he had resting on my arm tightened its grip, and I was pulled closer until my lips were crushed against his. The way he held me, the way his mouth urgently moved against mine, how my hands desperately found their way under the twists of his braid, pulling until his hair fell loose, and how weightless I felt as he lifted me off the couch and carried me to our bedroom, it all reminded me of the day I returned to him…

~*~*~*~*~*~

After a month living on Dragonspine with Albedo, the snow and frigid winds were almost comforting as I ascended the mountain once more. It wouldn’t take me too long to get back, but I walked slowly, stalling for time. What would I even say to him? I had never done anything like this before. With Kazuha… he was the one that made every decision that led us forward. He reached for my hand first, he kissed me first, he’s the one that said he loved me first, he chose our house, he’s the one that asked me to marry him, he brought me our son. Every step along the way, he would courageously take it first, then turn around and offer his hand to help me follow. This time, I had to be the one to climb up this mountain and take what I wanted.

By the time I arrived at Albedo’s doorstep, night had fallen. I knew he’d still be awake. A part of me was a little miffed that he wasn’t out looking for me, that he didn’t chase me… Kazuha would have been looking for me…

“Shut up, shut up. Stop thinking like that.”

I took a deep breath, steeling myself, and knocked.

No answer.

I knocked again, a little louder this time, and waited, trying to be patient.

Maybe he didn’t want to see me. Maybe he realized it really had been a mistake.

Biting my lip, I tried to open the door. It was unlocked. I slowly pushed it open and peered inside.

“Albedo?” I called. “I’m back.”

I walked inside, checking each room as I made my way through the hall.

“If you don’t want me here, I’ll leave… Albedo?”

I couldn’t find him anywhere. He wasn’t home, which was strange. It was rare for him to go out so late. I made my way back outside the house and looked up and down the snowy path.

“Albedo?” I shouted.

“Dawn?”

I whipped my head around and saw him several yards down the path. He was completely covered in snow, as if he had been out for hours. He quickly moved towards me and I jogged down to him, my heart ticking frantically at the sight of him. We both came to a stop once we were standing in front of each other.

“You… You came back,” he said with disbelief, as if the act of someone coming back to him was a sheer impossibility.

“I forgot my hat,” I said stupidly. “Why weren’t you home?”

“I’ve been looking for you,” Albedo answered.

“You were?” I asked, unable to hide the smile that hearing those words brought me.

“Yes,” he said. “I wasn’t sure which direction you ran off to so I… I’ve been just about everywhere.”

“Albedo, I—”

“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” Albedo said, holding his hand up at me. “I should be the one apologizing. I knew you were in a vulnerable place, and I shouldn’t have made you feel pressured to… to kiss me.”

“But - Albedo, I—”

“Please, just allow me to explain,” Albedo said with determination. “Clearly, I overstepped our friendship. I asked you to stay with me, and you put your trust into me. I took advantage of that.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I understand if you want to leave,” he dropped his gaze, averting mine. “I imagine you’ve only come back to ensure you have not hurt me. Your empathetic and forgiving nature is what I like most about you. But I assure you that—”

“Albedo!” I shouted. “I don’t need to hear all this!”

“Oh,” he looked embarrassed. “I apologize, I’m only trying to—”

“Albedo, I’m in love with you.”

The words hung between us, somehow resisting against the whistling winds of the mountain, even silencing them. The unearthly stillness of the air that my confession brought seemed to make everything else more prominent. The light that flickered in Albedo’s eyes, the confused smile that slowly stretched across his face, and our hearts - I swear - I could almost hear them, beating and ticking in unison, as if they were always meant to find each other like this. Here in the snow. Always in the snow.

“I… I’m sorry?” He stammered, his eyes wide.

“I love you!” I shouted again; I needed to shout for some reason, it was the only way I could ensure the words would come out.

Albedo took a cautious step forward, his brow furrowed as he stared at me in disbelief.

“Do you mean that?” He asked. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“I mean it,” I insisted, refraining from scoffing at his absurd question,as if I would ever lie about such a thing. “Honestly, I don’t really care about making you feel better. I just needed to admit this to you, whether or not you feel the same way. It makes me feel better being able to say it out loud.”

“So, your confession of love is a selfish one?” Albedo smirked, and the sight of it made my heart leap.

“Yes,” I nodded. “I’m a selfish person. That’s why I’m going to stay here with you, forever. And love you forever. And keep you all to myself forever.”

“Oh?” Albedo’s smirk spread into a bright smile as he took another step closer to me. “Is that so? Forever is a long time. What if someday you realize it’s too long, and you don’t want to stay with me anymore? Will you be selfish again?”

“Probably,” I shrugged.

“Then I hope that day never comes,” Albedo took my hands. “I’m in love with you as well, Dawn. I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time. You’re not the only one that’s selfish. It’s why I went looking for you. I wasn’t going to let you go. Even if you didn’t come back, I would have found you, somehow. I’m so tired of waiting for the people I love to return to me. I would have chased you all over the world if I had to.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I saved you the trouble.”

Albedo pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I felt no guilt, or shame. There was nothing holding me back orweighing me down. In fact, I felt weightless. So weightless, I had to hold on to him tighter so as not to be carried away by the mountain’s winds, clutching his golden hair in my fist until it loosened his braid, letting the strength of his arms keep me tethered to him. I was lighter than I had been in a hundred years. There was nothing and no one else in my mind as we embraced. Only Albedo. He was the only thing that mattered to me at that moment. Kissing him felt like kissing the embodiment of the sun’s brightest and warmest rays. I couldn’t even feel the frigid air compressing around us anymore, only warmth and light.

“I love you,” Albedo murmured, finally pulling away from my mouth.

“I love you too,” I said, knowing that my heart was shining brighter than ever inside my chest.

“You’re really going to stay with me?”

“I just said I would!”

“Alright,” Albedo laughed. “Let’s go home.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“I love you,” Albedo breathed hotly against my neck, his hands finding their way under the hem of my clothes, touching my skin the way he knew I liked it. “I know… I know I’ll never be Kaz—”

“Shh, don’t, don’t say his name—”

“I didn’t really want you to go, and I swear I wasn’t testing you,” how Albedo could speak while kissing and nipping at my skin, I had no idea, he was always good at that. “I’m still selfish. I want you to stay with me. Please, please, don’t leave me…”

“I won’t,” I promised, just as I promised him a thousand times before. “I won’t leave you.”

As we made love, my mind wandered, and my heart ached. I had to keep my eyes open, to make sure it was Albedo on top of me, Albedo between my thighs, Albedo in my mouth, otherwise, if I closed my eyes for too long, it would be Kazuha. A millennia ago, I was so swept away in our newfound love, that I was able to give myself wholly to Albedo. No guilt. No second guessing. He was everything to me. So, why now… Why did Kazuha plague my thoughts now, after all this time? There was guilt. A bitter taste of betrayal tainting the sweet affections that Albedo was pouring into me. Guilt and betrayal, for what though? I felt like I had to be loyal to both of them. I successfully avoided even kissing Kazuha, but what did it all matter if I was fantasizing it was his mouth on my skin instead of my husband’s?

Once it was over, and Albedo fell asleep with his arms possessively around me, I wept silently into my hands. So stupid. I hadn’t cried this much in ages. Why couldn’t I be happy? My promises weren’t empty, and my words weren’t lies. I loved Albedo. I loved him so much, it was why this hurt me the way it did. A thousand years of marriage couldn’t just end over a weekend in Inazuma. But I loved Kazuha longer than that, and that love never wavered. I couldn’t just saunter back into my domestic life with Albedo, it just wasn’t as easy as I wished it could be. Lying there, with nothing but the silvery light of my ring illuminating the ghostly tears on my skin, I felt so haunted. More haunted than when Kazuha had been dead. He was really out there now. Why wasn’t I with him? In his bed, in each other’s arms? Why was I here… With Albedo…

Somehow, I would have to let go all over again. It was for the best. At least… That’s what I told myself. I repeated it over and over and over in my head until the words became meaningless, and I finally fell asleep with my face buried in Albedo’s hair.

This is for the best.

This is for the best.

This is for the best.

Chapter 5: Melancholy, The Dewgrass Shadowing

Chapter Text

“Hmm, Dawn, what’s this?”

I was sitting by our window the next morning, having my tea. Albedo was rummaging around in my travel bag and pulled out a small potted plant.

“What…” I stared at the plant in his hands; it looked more like a little tuft of grass. “I don’t remember putting that in my bag.”

“And this?” Albedo held up a small wooden fox, its five tails fanned out behind it.

“Oh,” my heart skipped at the sight of it. “I think Kazuha must have put those in my bag…”

“I see,” Albedo said quietly, placing them on the bed. “I’ll just leave them here then, for you to decide where you’d like to put them.”

Albedo left the room, holding the clothes that were in my bag in his arm, likely to toss them into the laundry. Once he was gone, I hopped off the windowsill and took Kazuha’s surprise gifts into each hand. Although the tuft of grass did not seem so unusual, as I gently ran fingertips over its oddly shaped blades, they came alight, shimmering a bluish glow against my skin. I had seen this grass before, growing along a mountainside in Inazuma. Kazuha once told me he had a name for it… What was it again? Melancholy something…

“See how it shines with a mere touch, disturbed by our presence?”

I watched as Kazuha gently brushed his fingers through the grass, letting the cool blades slide between his fingers. They turned from a dark, shadowy green, to a dreamlike bluish hue, responding to his touch.

“It reminds me of you,” Kazuha said, now watching as I mimicked his movements, playing with the dancing lights in the grass myself.

“How so?” I asked.

“On the surface and left alone, you appear to blend in with your surroundings, becoming a dark shadow that some might overlook. But I know better,” Kazuha brought his hand to my cheek, and I felt it burn under his fingers; this seemed to be exactly what he was hoping for. “Look how you respond to my touch. Glowing, like dewdrops reflecting the morning sun. Hmm…”

He turned his attention back to the grass.

“But this isn’t the same warmth as the kind of dew I associate with you… Instead, it makes me a bit sad. As if I miss something I haven’t lost yet…”

With a pensive expression, Kazuha pulled out his journal where he often wrote down his poems, prose, or thoughts. He spoke aloud as he wrote a new entry.

“Melancholy, the dewgrass shadowing… When the world leaves the twilight behind… the dewdrop glows are extinguished… as if a formless shadow has passed through the grass. When the night is in full swing… and your mind is filled with thoughts of one you miss but may not meet... Surely you, too, would feel some sadness.”

“Missing someone you haven’t lost yet,” I said slowly. “Missing someone you may not meet. I don’t understand you.”

“I don’t understand myself, half the time,” Kazuha laughed.

Oh, but I understood now. As the memory of Kazuha’s description of these glowing leaves circled in my head, I felt my heart break. Is that really how he has felt all this time? A heart heavy with melancholy, wandering without direction, searching for shadowed footsteps in the grass, any sign that the one he misses might have walked along that path, longing to meet them once more. With a somber sigh, I placed the plant back on the bed and turned my attention to the wooden fox.

“Hmm.”

It, too, reminded me of something. I took the fox with me to the closet where I had to dig out my box of Kazuha’s old things once again. Digging through all the letters, careful not to tear through his old clothes, I unearthed a small box that held the beads of two ancient bracelets. The indigo and scarlet beads were all mixed up, for the string that once held them together had long since frayed and broke apart. I had to keep them in the box to avoid losing them. And sitting atop the beads was a silver cat charm, and a gold fox charm, untarnished, gleaming at me as if they were waiting all this time for me to remember them.

Closing the box, I took it over to my desk where I had my sewing kit. There, I placed Kazuha’s wooden fox carving on a small shelf, then got to work stringing the beads together with a new and sturdy band. Once they were whole again, I slipped both bracelets onto my wrist, admiring how the fox and cat charms bumped into each other. Snatching up the potted plant, I quickly made my way outside towards the greenhouse to find it a new home. Walking into the humid enclosure and taking my time as I sank my fingers into the soil gave me the opportunity to reminisce about Kazuha, though I had a hard time deciding which memories to focus on. Sometimes my mind would wander to an ancient era in which he led me through unfamiliar lands, telling me stories of every flower or tree we came across. Other times I relived the most recent memories, of catching that glimpse of him in the garden shop, of sitting in his apartment, much too close than we should have been.

Maybe I could be content like this. I had my memories, I had his things, his gifts. Sure, I didn’t have him. And it would always feel like something was missing… But…

“Dawn?”

Lifting my gaze from my work, I saw Albedo standing in the glass doorway.

“Yes?”

“I was wondering,” he said, stepping closer, leaning down to examine a flower, his lovely fingers gently touching its delicate petals. “Maybe we should go on a trip somewhere.”

“Really? Where?”

“It’s been a while since you’ve visited Nahida,” Albedo smiled as he straightened his back to look at me. “I’m sure you miss her.”

“Tch, I don’t miss her,” I lied, and pointed at my head. “I can talk to her whenever I want, remember?”

“Oh, I’m well aware,” Albedo’s smirk widened, and he took my hand, his fingers loosely threading between mine. “And yet…”

His voice trailed away as he stared at my hand. I held my breath, realizing he had noticed the bracelets on my wrist. His thumb nudged the golden fox, causing its nose to bump into the silver cat’s nose.

“You mended them,” Albedo murmured.

“Yes…”

He nodded, his hair swaying slightly, catching the sunlight in the lighter strands of his blond hair. His smile had faltered, but somehow, he managed to secure it. Though, it no longer felt genuine.

“What was I saying?” He asked, lifting his gaze to my face once more.

“Nahida,” I reminded him.

“Right. It’s been a while since either have you reached out to one another, correct?”

“Yeah… It’s been a while,” I frowned.

“So, then, shall we go visit her?”

“But we can’t really leave right now,” I said slowly.

“Why might that be?”

“You have work to do.”

“Do I?”

“Yes,” I raised an eyebrow. “Kazuha’s poetry book, remember?”

Albedo’s forced smile fully disappeared and stared at me in confusion.

“What?”

“That’s the whole reason I went to Inazuma in the first place, did you seriously forget that?” I asked impatiently.

“Of course not,” Albedo awkwardly tucked his hair behind his ear. “I simply… It didn’t occur to me that he would still want me to illustrate for him after finding out… About us…”

“Oh, he is still very interested in you illustrating his book,” I explained, skating over the other issue about ‘us.’ “We came up with a lot of ideas.”

“Alright, then,” Albedo seemed surprised, but to my relief, not upset. “Show me what you worked on.”

Together, we left the greenhouse to head to his study. While I searched for my sketchbook and everything Kazuha and I went over, I still had Nahida on my mind now that Albedo put the thought of seeing her in my head. For a moment, I couldn’t figure out why it felt like I was forgetting something, until the image of Kazuha wishing on those shooting stars resurfaced in my mind.

“Hey,” I said slowly as I handed Albedo the sketches. “Did you happen to see those shooting stars the other night?”

“Yes, I did,” Albedo said quietly as he leafed through the pages.

“What did you think about them?” I asked curiously, sitting across from his desk.

Albedo shrugged, which was very unlike him when it came to a new phenomenon he could study.

“Nothing, really,” he answered.

I watched him as he began making notes of the drawings, unsatisfied with his answer.

“They fell, though,” I pushed on. “They weren’t ordinary stars, were they?”

“Can’t say,” Albedo shrugged again, his attention fixed on his work. “They were too far for me to make anything of them.”

“Aren’t you curious though? It seems like something that would interest you.”

Albedo didn’t respond, and it was hard to tell if he was avoiding the discussion or if he was already immersed in the drawings.

“Do you think…,” I said cautiously. “That it’s them? The twins, I mean.”

“Why would it be?” Albedo asked, a small frown on his lips. “Why would they come back?”

“I always wondered if they would,” I said, folding my knees up to my chest as I relaxed into my chair. “At least Lumine. I always thought she’d come back some day.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so. They’re done with Teyvat. There’s nothing left for them here.”

“Nothing? Really?” I asked, unconvinced. “Lumine made countless friends here, and she knows some of us will be around forever. Why not come back?”

“People come and go all the time in our lives, Dawn,” Albedo said with a sigh. “And some of them don’t come back.”

“Kazuha did.”

I don’t know why I said that. I shouldn’t have. Albedo’s pen paused, and he lifted his gaze to me, and I immediately regretted saying such a thing. I was testing his patience, I know I was. It was just so hard not to talk about Kazuha. Truthfully, it’s all I wanted to do. I wanted to talk about him. I wanted to talk to the person I trusted most about the one I loved the most. Maybe some part of me thought that if I could get Albedo to talk freely about Aether, then it wouldn’t be so bad for me to talk about Kazuha.

“I just mean,” I said hurriedly. “Nothing’s impossible. I used to think such things were impossible, and I would have agreed with you, that when someone leaves, they don’t come back. But I don’t know anymore.”

“The difference is that Kazuha wanted to come back,” Albedo said, his gaze steady but unreadable. “And why wouldn’t he? I mean. If anything forced us apart, I would find a way to come back to you too.”

I sank further into my chair and looked down at my hands, feeling that sense of guilt creeping back up my chest.

“As for the twins,” Albedo continued. “I genuinely doubt they have anything tying them to Teyvat. At least, not anything significant enough that would draw them here after all this time.”

He returned his attention to his work, and I knew the conversation was over. It was always like this whenever I asked him about Aether. I had been an open book about Kazuha, but it took years to get Albedo to tell me about his first love. I knew he still held resentment over Aether’s abandonment. I used to think we related to each other since we both were separated from those we loved, but I’ve since learned that our feelings for our past lovers were not the same. Not even the grief I felt for Kazuha could be compared to the grief Albedo felt for Kaeya. He didn’t get to see Kaeya grow old and having him ripped away from him in such a tragedy after so little time together was much different than how I lost Kazuha. I had the privilege to live a happy and loving life with Kazuha, while Albedo didn’t even come close to that until he met me. Though he never showed it, I knew there was bitterness and resentment in his heart, it just took me a while to learn how to read him. My emotions tend to be more explosive, while he somehow manages to tuck them away in a place that no one can see or touch. However, the idea that Aether could possibly have returned definitely touched a nerve, and I had no idea what to make of it. I could only imagine it would not be the same heartfelt reunion I had with Kazuha.

For the next few days, I gave Albedo some space. He often became consumed with his work whenever he had a new project, and Kazuha’s poetry book managed to draw in all his attention. Truthfully, I think he was taking advantage of this project as a means to avoid talking about Kazuha or Aether. I don’t know why I was so concerned with the prospect of Aether being back. A subconscious worry I wasn’t ready to face yet, perhaps. And I hoped I would never have to. Maybe Albedo was right. Maybe those falling stars had nothing to do with the twins after all. And yet, that nagging feeling to reach out to Nahida never went away, until she reached out to me.

Dawn?

I was in the middle of washing dishes and her voice startled me, causing me to drop the mug I was holding, shattering it in the sink.

Nahida?!

Ah, hello there. It’s been so long, how are you?

You made me break a mug, but I’m fine. How are you? Is everything alright?

I’ve been waiting for you to call for a while now. I know that our connection is not what it used to be, but I sensed something strange from you not so long ago. Your emotions became quite erratic, and it worried me. When I didn’t hear from you, I assumed everything was alright but…

Oh, that… Nahida, you won’t believe what’s happened…

I quickly ran out to the greenhouse to get some privacy. Albedo would likely find it strange to walk in on me standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring blankly at the wall. As soon as I was settled in a warm, sunny spot under the glass roof, I told Nahida all about Kazuha’s return. It was much easier to relay this news to her than it had been to Albedo. I knew this wouldn’t hurt her, I knew I could be honest and share just what I was feeling, and that she wouldn’t judge me. It was such a relief. It felt so good to talk about Kazuha to someone who wouldn’t respond so coldly to my happiness.

Oh my… Reincarnation, rebirth… It seems to follow you even now, doesn’t it, Dawn?

Yeah, I guess.

I can imagine this has made things complicated for you.

I think I’m coping with it okay.

Choosing to stay with Albedo is not something I would have expected, to be honest with you.

What?! Did you really think I would just leave him?

I didn’t mean to offend you… It’s only that I have never forgotten how much you loved Kazuha. I have never forgotten the day you first asked me why you felt so strongly about him. But I know you’re loyal to Albedo, and that you intend to keep the promises you made him.

I didn’t know what to say. My thoughts failed me, but I imagine Nahida could feel the stormy mess of emotions brewing in my heart.

Dawn, I did also call you for another reason. Did you see those shooting stars the other night?

Yes, I did. I wanted to call you about that too… Is it… It’s not them again, is it? Why would it be?

Was I just parroting Albedo’s doubts, or did I too refuse to believe that Lumine would ever come back?

It is them.

I practically leapt from my stool, the sudden urge to move shooting like lightning through my limbs. I had nowhere to go, so I blindly paced around the greenhouse.

How do you know for sure? Have you seen them? Lumine? Have you spoken to her?

I have spoken to her, the same way I’m speaking to you now. It was very nice hearing her voice again.

Where is she? Where is she going? What is she doing? Why is she here? What—

Calm down, Dawn! She says she plans to visit all her old friends, and she will be taking the same path as before.

The same path as before…? You mean… Mondstadt? She’s starting with Mondstadt?

Yes!

Is she here now?!

I’m not exactly sure where she landed, but she will be there soon. If not today, then perhaps tomorrow.

She could be here… Today?

I blinked, focusing on the grassy hill outside my greenhouse. I could see the city from there. The tiled rooftops and the spires of the church, reaching up to a nearly cloudless sky. Nahida was still speaking, but I wasn’t focusing on her voice anymore as I stared out at the path that led from the city to my house. If Lumine was already in Mondstadt, how long would it take her to figure out where Albedo lived, and who he was living with? Abandoning my conversation with Nahida, I ran out of the greenhouse in search of Albedo, hoping to break this news to him before Lumine would arrive. However, as I reached the stone steps to our front door, a glint of gold reflected under the sunlight in the corner of my eye, making me pause. With my hand on the doorknob, I turned my head to see two people walking up the path.

Catching sight of me, the shorter one lifted her hand, waved, and began to jog towards me. Lumine… I could hardly handle one ghost of my past coming back to haunt me, but now I had to deal with her too? My heart raced in my chest as she approached; I couldn’t even move, frozen there with my hand on the door. Her eyes were shining with tears and once she was within reach, she slammed her body into mine, nearly knocking me over.

“Dawn!” Lumine cried, throwing her arms around my neck.

Shocked, I hugged her back, mostly focusing on keeping us from falling.

“You’re still here!” She shouted.

“Where else would I go?” I asked, my mind struggling to catch up.

“But, wait, what are you doing here?”

“I live here. What are you doing here? Why have you returned?”

“I missed my friends,” she said with a wide smile, as if it was the simplest answer despite her millennia-long absence.

Lumine was really standing there, right in front of me, with that infuriating smile that used to annoy me so much. I felt my own face mirror her’s as joy replaced the initial shock, and suddenly I was laughing and hugging her again, tighter this time.

“I missed you too.”

As I finally let her go, I saw someone move a few feet away and I looked up to see the face of a person I had only heard whispers of in the distant past, rare stories shared by my husband, and who’s face I used to steal glimpses of, for Albedo had hidden any remaining portraits of him away.

“Dawn, this is Aether,” Lumine said, turning towards her brother.

Aether stepped forward, a polite smile on his face as he stretched out his hand for me to shake. It was strange seeing a painting come to life, to finally look upon the face of someone that had only lived in the shadows of a faraway past.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Dawn,” he said as I shook his hand. “My sister speaks very highly of you.”

“Really?” I glanced at Lumine skeptically. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Shut up,” Lumine laughed.

“Anyway, it’s nice to meet you too, Aether,” I cleared my throat awkwardly, realizing the polite thing to do would be to invite them both inside, but Albedo was in there, and I wasn’t sure how he would react to these unexpected visitors, Aether in particular.

“You said you live here?” Lumine asked. “I was told Albedo lives here, so, this is very unexpected. I didn’t think I’d see you until we reached Sumeru.”

“Albedo does live here,” I said, making it a point to look only at Lumine as I spoke. “We live together. We’re married.”

That was the second time I had to break this news to someone in a way that it felt like confessing some kind of sin. As Lumine’s eyes widened in surprise, my restraint to keep myself from looking at Aether faltered, and I glanced at him. His eyes were just as wide, but instead of general surprise, his expression looked as though I had slapped him across the face.

“You’re married?” Lumine gasped, her hands covering her mouth. “To Albedo?”

“Yes,” I answered, hoping to sound casual despite the erratic pace my heart was going. “Is that really so scandalous?”

Lumine shook her head in disbelief, then turned to Aether with concern. I felt so uncomfortable with these twins gawking at me and at each other. Maybe they should have called ahead to avoid any discomfort. As the seconds passed and I watched the growing confusion and hurt infesting Aether’s face, I couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed with them. Albedo’s words circled around in my head, “As for the twins, I genuinely doubt they have anything tying them to Teyvat. At least, not anything significant enough that would draw them here after all this time.” What were they expecting showing up here? What was he expecting? That Albedo would have been alone up in his snowy mountain, waiting an eternity for his return?

“How long?” Lumine asked, clearly making an attempt to sound innocently interested in this information.

“About a thousand years,” I said with a shrug.

Aether’s expression was almost comical; I had to clear my throat to avoid laughing.

“Oh,” Lumine tried to smile at me. “Wow. I… It sounds like we have a lot to catch up on.”

“Well, what did you expect after being gone for so long? Did you think you’d come back after all this time and find Teyvat frozen in time, everything the same as you left it?”

“No,” Lumine frowned. “I just…”

The more seconds that passed between us, the more I realized it wasn’t just Aether’s presence that bothered me. I had my own unresolved feelings towards Lumine’s sudden departure, feelings I had never really thought of because I never thought I’d have the opportunity to voice them to her.

“Would you like to come inside?” I asked, biting back the ugly thoughts beginning to surface in my mind.

“Of course,” Lumine said, glancing at her brother once more. “Is Albedo home?”

“Yes,” I said, opening the door to let them in.

Lumine entered my home but Aether didn’t move.

“Are you coming in, or what?” I asked blankly.

“It was very nice meeting you, Dawn,” Aether said slowly. “But I think I’ll just let my sister catch up with her old friends. I don’t want to impose.”

God, this guy really was a coward.

“You’ve come all this way just to turn back now?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Aether stared at me, and as our eyes met, I saw in them an understanding that I knew exactly who he was to Albedo, and what he had done.

“Aether,” Lumine said, her tone a little more stern than it had been a moment ago. “Just come inside.”

Aether hesitated for only a moment longer, before bracing himself as he walked past me and into the home Albedo and I had built together.

“He’s in his study,” I said as I led them down the hall, passing the countless landscape paintings hanging on the walls.

Not only did I not want Aether to get away so easily, I decided I wasn’t going to spare Albedo from this fateful meeting. Who knows… Maybe it would do him some good. The door to his study was slightly ajar, and I could hear the bubbling sounds of chemicals from whatever he was working on. I tapped my knuckles on the door and pushed it open enough to poke my head through.

“Albedo…”

“Yes, love?” Albedo had his back to me, peering closely at a beaker in his hand.

“We have visitors.”

“Oh? Who?”

“Promise not to freak out?”

I pushed the door open further and beckoned for Lumine and Aether to enter. Lumine walked right in, but Aether once more seemed frozen in place, eyes wide, fixed on Albedo’s back. I wondered if he felt anything like how I did when I stood in that storage room in Kazuha’s garden shop, staring at his back, waiting for him to notice me.

“Hm? Now, why would I freak…” Albedo turned, an amused smile on his face. “Out…”

His smile completely disappeared, replaced with a look of utter horror. The beaker that was in his hand slipped through his slack fingers and shattered on the floor, its contents sizzling and bubbling as it made contact with the stone. The color completely drained from his face and I wondered if he would faint like Kazuha did, but luckily he didn’t even sway. If anything, he seemed to become more rigid as he stood there, staring past Lumine and I towards Aether, who was still standing in the hall.

“Albedo!” Lumine cried, bounding towards him and throwing her arms around him.

Albedo blinked and looked down at her, his mouth slightly open.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you again,” Lumine said happily.

“L-Lumine,” Albedo stammered, awkwardly hugging her back. “What… What are you doing here?”

“To visit you, of course!” Lumine let go of him and wiped her eyes.

“Are you seriously crying?” I asked.

“Shut up, I’m happy to see you guys!”

“Albedo…”

Aether’s voice seemed to suck all the air out of the room as we all fell silent and turned to him. He finally walked inside, and Albedo watched him, unmoving, his expression unreadable. I wished I knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Was it anything at all like how I felt when I saw Kazuha had returned? Aether stopped before him, unable to hide his nerves as he fidgeted with the end of his braid.

“It’s been a while,” he said quietly. “It… It’s good to see you again.”

I thought Albedo would at least hug him or show some kind of sign that he too thought it was good to see him again, even if he was faking it. However, he didn’t seem willing to even pretend to be friendly. Instead of responding, Albedo turned to me.

“I believe our guests must be hungry,” he said, walking past Aether. “I’m sure their journey was long. Shall we go fix them something to eat?”

“Sure,” I said, caught off guard as Albedo suddenly took my hand and dragged me out of the room; I had to call over my shoulder towards the twins to tell them where to go. “You two can just head over to the next room, there’s tea in there, we’ll bring some food.”

As soon as Albedo dragged me into the kitchen, the tension in his body relaxed as he let out a heavy sigh, leaning against the counter.

“Are you alright?” I asked stupidly; of course he wasn’t.

“I don’t want to be a rude host, but I would much rather they leave as soon as possible.”

“Even Lumine? She… She is our friend.”

“Why would they come back…”

Albedo’s voice was quiet and I doubted he was even speaking to me.

“Maybe you were wrong,” I responded anyway. “Maybe they do have something in Teyvat worth coming back for.”

Albedo’s brow furrowed as he lifted his gaze to meet mine. He opened his mouth to speak but words seemed to fail him. He still looked a bit pale and I realized he was still in a state of shock. I stepped closer and tentatively wrapped my arms around him. Without hesitating, he held me close, and sighed into my shoulder.

“I don’t want him here,” he said quietly.

“It wouldn’t hurt to talk to him, to give him a chance to say what—”

“I gave him more than enough chances. I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. And why should I?”

Albedo leaned back to look at me and I was relieved to see a bit of color had returned to his face.

“Why should I listen to a single word from him? This isn’t like Kazuha, Dawn,” Albedo shook his head, his blond hair swaying around his face. “There’s nothing he could say that would ever make me leave you.”

“Well, hold on, I wasn’t implying I want that,” I laughed nervously. “I just mean… You never really let go of the pain he caused you. Even if you say you have, I still notice the way you look up at the stars, and I saw it more clearly now when you looked at him. You don’t have to forgive, but this could be a chance for you to finally let go.”

Albedo nodded slowly and thoughtfully. A small smile lifted the corner of his lips as he looked at me.

“What?” I asked warily.

“Remind me later to paint you,” he said quietly, kissing me softly.

“Again?” I chuckled.

“I’ll never stop wanting to paint you.”

After a brief moment in which Albedo tried to hoist me onto the counter and I had to push him away while laughing, we managed to get a hold of ourselves to prepare a quick lunch. It was a relief to see Albedo more relaxed once we sat down with the twins and ate our food. We filled them in on what we’ve been up to the last several centuries, while they in turn shared stories about their travels amongst the stars. Albedo held my hand throughout the entirety of our meal, but though the conversation was friendly and even entertaining, I could feel Aether’s eyes on me the entire time. Every time I lifted my gaze towards him, he was either looking at my hand in Albedo’s hold, or just simply staring at me. Occasionally he’d glance at Albedo, only to quickly avert his gaze. He seemed too ashamed to look at Albedo for longer than five seconds, but was much more comfortable examining me.

After we ate, Lumine suggested we go for a walk. The four of us ventured out just as the sun began to make its journey towards the west, not too bright, not too hot. Lumine engaged me in a conversation about a planet she had recently visited in which there was political discourse she and Aether helped resolve. Distracted by her, it took me a moment to notice Albedo had wandered off on his own to kneel at the foot of a tree, poking at the sap that was oozing from its bark. I nodded out of habit, no longer listening to Lumine as I watched Aether stand a few feet away from us, clearly debating whether he should approach Albedo. Just then, a gleeful shout came from up the path.

“Lumine, is that you?!” Klee had appeared and was sprinting right at us, her long blond hair whipping behind her like the tail of a comet.

“Oh, my!” Lumine gasped, her smile wide. “That can’t possibly be Klee!”

The moment Klee slammed into Lumine, I noticed Aether took advantage of the distraction and moved closer towards Albedo. Lumine and Klee immediately began chattering away, and I too took advantage, carefully making my way through the trees where I wouldn’t be noticed. As a strong breeze blew through the branches, I used it to conceal the gust of my Anemo Vision as I lifted myself up onto the tree.

“Dawn, this tree is sick,” Albedo said quietly to Aether, not realizing it wasn’t me standing behind him. “This isn’t sap, it’s…”

Albedo looked up at Aether and to my surprise, the faintest blush appeared on his cheeks.

“Oh, forgive me,” Albedo said quickly, standing up straight. “I thought you were—”

“Your husband?” Aether asked quietly.

Albedo didn’t respond, but instead pulled a small vial out of his coat to catch some of the infected sap dripping out of the tree.

“Still conducting your experiments, are you?” Aether asked. “Always have something new to learn, I imagine.”

When Albedo still did not acknowledge him, Aether let out a frustrated sigh.

“Would you prefer it if I just left?” He asked.

“I would prefer it if you told me why you’re here at all,” Albedo tucked the sap filled vial into his pocket and turned to face Aether. “Why are you here, Aether?”

“I wanted to see you.”

Even I thought that was a pathetic answer.

“Oh, is that all?” Albedo shook his head and began walking further into the trees, searching for more sap.

“You may not believe me, but I came back for you,” Aether said as he followed him. “Just how I promised I would.”

“You broke that promise a long time ago, it means nothing to me now.”

“Do I mean nothing to you now?”

As quietly as I could, I crawled through the branches to get a better view of Albedo’s face. He was frowning at Aether, but there was certainly something in his eyes that was already answering Aether’s question, even if Albedo wouldn’t say it out loud.

“Clearly whatever you came back for is no longer here waiting for you,” Albedo said, his voice steady. “I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“I am… an idiot,” Aether said quietly.

He could say that again, I wouldn’t mind.

“Albedo, I… Not a day or a moment has gone by in which you haven’t been at the very front of my mind. With light years and even centuries between us, you are still the first thing I think of when I wake up. You are still the one I dream of when I sleep. I came back because I realized I left my heart here in Teyvat. I left it with you. I have never stopped loving you. And there’s just no way for me to ignore it anymore. I will never stop loving you.”

“If you loved me, then you should have stayed.”

“I know!” Aether’s eyes were wide and they shone with tears. “Trust me, I know! And I regret not staying with you. I regret leaving. I regret all the things I said to you when I broke your heart and… Of course, I regret breaking your heart. How could I do that to you when all you ever did was love me? When you were so willing to wait while I was off doing things I thought were more important… In the end you have become the most important thing in my life and I hate myself for losing you. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of your love for me. It was the most beautiful gift anyone has ever given me, and I tarnished it. I know now that I don’t deserve your love or your forgiveness. I never did. And… It’s too late now, isn’t it? You… You haven’t felt that way about me in a long time, have you?”

Albedo was silent for a moment, a moment that stretched on for an eternity. I waited with bated breath to hear what he would say to Aether, what he would likely never admit to me.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about you,” Albedo said at last. “There’s nothing left for us anymore.”

It wasn’t what I expected Albedo to say, and it certainly wasn’t what Aether was hoping to hear. I saw his shoulders twitch forward slightly, as if he had received a physical blow to his chest. With a shallow breath, he raised his hand to his face and wiped his eyes.

“Are you at least happy?” Aether asked, his voice a bit shaky. “With… With Dawn, I mean.”

“Yes,” Albedo answered without hesitation. “I’m very happy with Dawn.”

“That’s great.”

It didn’t sound like he meant it.

“Dawn seems… Great.”

“He’s wonderful.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure.”

“He really is, you just need to get to know him a little more.”

“Can’t wait to do that.”

“Will you?” Albedo asked curiously. “How long are you planning to stay?”

“Forever.”

That caught me so off guard, I almost fell out of the tree.

“Excuse me?” Albedo asked, the tone of his voice reflecting my own shock.

“I told you, I’m keeping my promise this time,” Albedo said calmly. “I came back, and I’m staying. Forever.”

“But… I told you, it’s too late.”

“I don’t care,” Aether shrugged. “I don’t care if you don’t love me or want me… Well, I do care, a bit, but what I mean is… It doesn’t change the fact that I’m not leaving you ever again. I can be here with you, I can be here for you in more ways than what I initially hoped for. If it’s as a friend, or a neighbor, or just an acquaintance you bump into every now and then, it doesn’t matter, I’ll be here. I’m going to stay.”

This attempt at bargaining sounded so much like the things Kazuha had said to me, it made my heart ache. For a second there, I almost wanted to root for him. God, what the hell was wrong with me… Albedo deserved the very best. Maybe that wasn’t me, but I could at least say with confidence it wasn’t Aether.

“Aether,” Albedo muttered, taking a step back from him; it was only then I had noticed that Aether had moved closer to him. “Don’t say that to me. Don’t say you’re going to stay. You don’t understand… You have no idea…”

“Yes, I do,” Aether insisted, following Albedo as he continued to step backwards, twigs snapping under his boots. “I know exactly what these words mean to you. I may have not taken them seriously in the past, but I am now.”

“You’re… You’re so… You…” Albedo stammered.

I had never heard him sound so distressed. I was about to jump out of the tree to put an end to this if he hadn’t done something so shocking that it deterred me from getting in his way. He slapped Aether.

“What is wrong with you?” Albedo asked angrily as Aether clutched at his face in alarm. “How could you say these things to me? You left deep wounds, Aether. Wounds that took me centuries to heal, only for you to cut me open again, using these words against me, knowing what they would do to me. I don’t want you to stay. I want you to leave me alone. Let me live in peace with my husband.”

Albedo stormed off, his coat whipping behind him as he returned to the path. Aether stood there in the trees, breathing heavily, unmoving. I considered leaving to go after Albedo, but instead dropped down from the tree, causing Aether to shout in surprise. He even drew out his sword.

“Hey, now,” I said casually, lifting my hands up. “No need for that.”

“Oh,” he uttered, returning his sword to his side. “You surprised me. Were you… Up there all this time?”

“Yup.”

Aether glared at me, and I let out an amused chuckle.

“You know, for a prince, you don’t really act like one,” I noted, rubbing my chin thoughtfully. “You seem too… Emotional. How ever did you lead the Abyss all on your own like that?”

“You don’t know anything about me, or what I went through when I was here.”

Such a menacing tone coming from such a pretty face. He really was Lumine’s twin.

“Um, yes, I do. Your twin was my best friend, and your ex is my husband. I know everything I need to know.”

“Fair,” Aether nodded. “In that case, I should say I know everything I need to know about you, Kunikuzushi. Or… do you prefer Scaramouche? I remember you. I even remember seeing you and your little Fatui henchmen, coming into my domain. You let a lot of people die there, Scaramouche. Some leader you were. And a failure as a god too, from the other things I’ve heard.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Is that supposed to impress me? Or… Scare me? Humiliate me? God, I hope not, because if so, you really don’t know me at all. My name is Dawn, and that’s the only name you’re ever going to call me. As for the things you’ve heard about me, come on, don’t act stupid. I’m sure Lumine has filled you in. That was a long time ago. I’m a changed man. I’ve settled down.”

“Settled, huh?” Aether smirked and glanced behind him.

Up the hill Albedo, Klee, and Lumine were huddling together. It seemed as though they were looking for me.

“Is that what you think of this life of yours? You just settled? And here Albedo made it seem like this was some kind of happily ever after.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I narrowed my eyes.

“Lumine told me about your first husband,” Aether continued. “He was human, wasn’t he? Mortal? How tragic it must have been for you to lose him. And how devastating it must be knowing he’s never going to come back. I may have made mistakes with Albedo, but I did come back, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Aether turned and walked away from me. Up the hill, the others were gone, probably returned to the house to see if I was there. As I watched Aether’s long braid sway with each step he took, I could hear Ajax’s words reach from beyond the grave…

“I don’t know… He’s a weird guy. And as soon as she saw him, I knew it was over between us. That’s all she ever wanted, right? She was never going to stay here.”

Was this also how Albedo felt about Aether? Was his arrival a warning that the life we’ve built together was coming to an end? Was this actually what Albedo always wanted? Aether had successfully gotten under my skin, but it wasn’t anger or jealousy I was feeling. Maybe… protectiveness was a better word. I just didn’t want Albedo to get hurt again. As I made my way up the path back towards the house, I thought about how different Aether was compared to Kazuha. He reminded me more of… myself. I suppose that made sense. Albedo had a type. And so did I, after thinking about it. I couldn’t help but feel like the tides of fate were once more working against us. Or perhaps it was in our favor. If the waves were slowly pulling us apart, it only made sense that they would return us to where we truly belong.